Pieces
by tiredwriter
Summary: Bella grows up and Edward never can. She turns to Jasper for help. Time changes all things, even vampires. AU. Disclaimer: None of this is owned by this tiredwriter, it is meant for enjoyment, not profit.
1. Prologue: The Beginning in the End

It was over. I knew it and he refused to acknowledge it. I was still _his_. He was afraid; ours wasn't the first relationship to crumble, even though that one ended almost three years ago, mutually, and for entirely different reasons. It meant no one was safe. Ours, ours was ending right now, and I wanted it, he didn't.

"I will always love you, always, but I'm not in love with you anymore! Maybe… maybe if I had stayed that seventeen year old girl, I would have been in love with you forever… but you didn't want that, you let me grow up… you made me grow up. You don't understand me anymore; you're still in love with who I was. That girl, she still loves you, but me, this woman, I am fond of you, but you are not my equal."

He had always thought himself to be superior to me, and this declaration of mine left him speechless. Which was fine with me, I was tired of being controlled. We stared at each other for long moments without speaking.

"Edward, I'm leaving now."

I stood up and looked down at him, he looked heartbroken. It hurt, but in the end, I knew this was best for both of us. I gave him a sad smile and ran my fingers once more through that riotous mess of bronze and walked out. I got in my car and I drove. I didn't look back. Not even when I parked the car at the airport, leaving the keys under the mat, not even when I handed the front desk agent my ticket, and not when the plane lifted off, not even when it landed. Not once… not once did I look back… and when I looked in the mirror of the hotel room, I didn't recognize the woman looking back at me.


	2. Chapter 1: Wrapping up loose ends

Although it was difficult for my parents to comprehend, although I had walked away from Edward, I still desired, still needed to maintain my relationship with the Cullen family. Carlisle and Esme still considered me their daughter; I still had that once damned black credit card and the account that came with it. Somewhere, in those years that I grew and he didn't, I learned to gracefully accept their outward (extravagant) expressions of love for me. It gave joy to Carlisle and Esme, knowing I was well taken care of… It gave indescribable (if annoying to me) glee to Alice to constantly shift my wardrobe with the seasons. Rosalie and I had long ago made our peace, and we shared many interests. Emmett, as always, was my big brother… and Jasper. Even though Jasper only occasionally lived with the family now that he and Alice were no longer together, I still spoke with him, he was my sounding board - giving advice I could always trust.

I told him first, about what I was planning. He wasn't surprised, he had felt my changing feelings for sometime but, like a true friend, he kept his mouth shut. He was also much better at keeping his thoughts from Edward than Edward gave him credit for. He helped me through the grief that came with losing your first love, after all, he'd spent over fifty years with his, not just five. If not for Jasper, I'd not have been nearly so calm when I walked away from Edward.

Edward and I had been living separately from the family while we attended university at Dartmouth. We were supposed to have been married and me changed by now, but after much cajoling on his part, I had agreed to wait until after I graduated. However, in those four years, I went through many gradual changes, a gradual refining of my personality, and a gradual change in my appearance as I shed the last vestiges of teenaged youth. I grew several inches taller and surprisingly less clumsy. I discovered a love for horseback riding and swimming. I found it harder and harder for Edward and I to pass as the same age, I looked older than twenty-one.

I stared at myself in the mirror, hardly recognizing the angular planes of my face. I used to have such low self esteem, I never felt good enough… but now, looking in this mirror, I truly felt beautiful. I had been weighed down for a long time, and I was finally free. A carefree smile spread across my face. I was looking forward to the next step in my life. My life that I had (mostly) chosen for myself.

One thing that had really frustrated me about Edward was his refusal to recognize the very real threat that the Volturi were to the family. They had demanded me changed years ago, and yet I was still human. That was about to change. Only one person knew, and it wasn't Alice. A few years ago, I started to disappear from her visions. I would occasionally be in the background, but anything directly concerning me had faded. We eventually came to the conclusion I was a natural shield, and with age and presumably more experience with vampires, my mind had become incredibly adept at shielding itself. Therefore, all my decisions were shielded from her, no matter who they involved. So when I decided to ask Jasper to change me, she never knew.

I wanted as much time as possible to adjust to vampirism, so Jasper and I had worked out a plan. I told the family I needed a bit of time to adjust to my new single life and I was going to spend some time with Charlie and Renee. Which was partly true. I had stopped in Florida for a week and in Forks for a week, I had emailed Alice and Rosalie twice, Carlisle and Esme once. I was establishing a pattern, one that did not involve a phone.

I was also saying goodbye. I told my parents I had accepted a research internship in a remote area of the Amazon jungle. That the only form of communication would be limited access to satellite internet. I was going to happily update them for a few months and then Bella Swan would die. Jasper had already set up the appropriate fake documents for the quite real internship. It was run by someone he knew quite well and who was willing to assist us. I had written a will with my express wish that my remains were to be cremated immediately and then returned to my parents. It would be a shock, but to them, I will have died extremely happy and with no regrets… I would write a seemingly prophetic email to them, expressing almost the same sentiments.

I was lost in thought when my cell rang, startling me slightly. I looked at the screen; it was Jasper.

"How is he?"

I didn't waste time. Jasper had gone see Edward and the rest of the family, mostly to reassure Edward that there was a light at the end of the tunnel.

"At first, he was shell-shocked, but I think he finally understands why you were always so frustrated with his stance on changing you. I don't think he ever realized what he was risking. He has a lot of regrets… He's changing though, for the better. He's so distracted, he's learned to actually tune out others thoughts. It's bittersweet. Alice can see parts of his future clearly for the first time in five years and she's got this serene smile on her face. She keeps mumbling about some siblings, you're still muddling up parts of it though."

I could hear the smile in his voice, he and Alice held no grudges against each other, they still loved each other, as family, if not lovers.

"Do you think he'll be okay?"

"Yes."

"Thank you, Jas…" I paused, "Are you still there?"

"No, I'm on the way to the airport now."

"Part of me is sad that he'll never make me blush again, or grin at my stupid heartbeat betraying my emotions."

"It's okay to be sad, Bells. There are moments that when I see Alice, that I just forget – everything – and I'm right back there in that diner, right back to the place where she pulled me up… It's normal, it doesn't mean that I want to go back to where we were, but my heart still honors the memory of her love."

I smiled, Jasper always knew the exact thing I needed to hear.

"Jerk, you're going to make me cry."

He laughed, "I'll see you soon. I should make it to the hotel before sunrise, then we can head out into the Great North."


	3. Chapter 2: Working out frustrations

I blinked rapidly a few times. It was dark in the hotel room, I wasn't sure what woke me and this left me feeling slightly disoriented. I rolled over to the glowing numbers of the bedside alarm clock, 3:24am. Jasper's flight hadn't landed yet. I sat up slowly, stretching as I did. I wondered if I would miss sleep as I swung my legs over the edge of the bed.

I was wide awake now, my mind, once woken, tended to prevent me from going back to sleep. I had a lot to think about. I was worried about Edward, worried about how he would react when he saw me again and I was a vampire. He had always had such hopes for my hypothetical vampire free life. I never did, I had never wanted children, though I did love volunteering with orphans. He was going to be so angry and so hurt. I was choosing this life without him.

I was starting to feel anxious, however, the hotel had a pool and the perfect outlet for anxiety was exercise. I changed quickly into a suit and dressing over it, slipped out into the hallway quietly. It took only a few minutes to reach the pool. I grabbed a couple towels from the dressing room where I shed my clothes. I paused only once to drop the towels on a lounge chair before diving into the pool.

I lost myself in the rhythm of my strokes, allowing my mind to wander freely, working out my anxieties and frustrations with every pull. Soon I began to feel lighter. My head felt clearer. I was making the right decision, I was doing what was best, not only for me, but for my family, for both my families. Renee had Phil and Charlie had Sue. The Cullen's would be safe from the Volturi. I would be free… anonymous even. I could not wait to travel without fear. I wanted to see Europe so badly, but Edward had always been so concerned, so overprotective.

I felt the frustrations build again, so I swam harder. I was going to leave the past where it belonged – behind me. Even though I disagreed with Edward on many things, I understood why he did them. I had promised myself to give him a clean slate, regardless of whether he did the same. The sky was beginning to lighten when I finally felt completely calm again. I floated aimlessly in the pool for a few long moments, and then got out, wrapping a towel around my waist and gathering my clothes from the dressing room.

The hotel was beginning to show signs of life, I smiled politely at a few housekeepers I passed on my way back to the room. I unlocked the door, flipping on the light as I entered. I was surprised to encounter Jasper lounging on the bed. Surprise always brought out the clumsy in me, and I tripped on the corner of the suitcase I had left next to the door.

Jasper's rich laugh filled the room, "I saw you swimming, I was going to comment on how it seems you're finally living up to the name you were given…"

He paused at the blank look on my face, and slight smirking as I rubbed my big toe. At least I had managed to catch myself on the table.

"You know, Swan, like graceful as a swan," he laughed again, "but clearly I was mistaken."

I threw my wet towel at him on my way to the bathroom. I didn't look, but I'm sure he caught it.

"Just you wait, Whitlock. I'll get you back for that!"

I looked back over my shoulder as I shut the bathroom door. I quickly showered, only towel drying my hair before wrapping up in the soft robe provided by the hotel. In my indignation, I had left my clothes in the other room. When I emerged from the steamy bathroom, Jasper was laying sideways across the bed, feet dangling off one side and his head propped up on a pillow, aimlessly flipping through channels on the TV at a ridiculous speed. I grabbed the other pillow and fluffed it, setting it behind my back against the headboard as I sat behind Jasper.

"You're such a hog, I can't even stretch my legs out."

Jasper turned his head to look at me, rolled his eyes and before I could blink, he was sitting next to me, mimicking my position. I grinned and leaned my head against his shoulder, he draped his arm loosely across my shoulders.

"You doing okay, darlin'?"

It took only the concern in his voice for tears to sting my eyes. I blinked them away before leaning into him, wrapping my arms around him. He just hugged me back, not saying anything, just emanating an aura of warmth and affection, the perks of an embrace from an empath, you felt it body and soul.

"Yeah," my voice was softer than I expected, "I know I've made the right decision. I just hate having to lie; I hate deceiving my families… I miss Edward, but then I think about all the little things that bugged the crap out of me, and I get mad at myself, then at him. I worry about what he's going to think. I'm worried about Rose. You know how she can be. I'm worried Alice will see me in the background of some vision and recognize me changed. I know everyone assumes that I'll live a 'normal' life now…"

I trailed off, dropping my arms from around Jasper and sitting up so I could look at him.

"Bella, we can't always know the future. We just have to make the best decisions that we can and let the chips fall where they may. I don't think it's going to be so hard. By the time they find out, there won't be much they can do but accept it. As for Alice, you know she unlikely to see you if you don't want her to, even peripherally."

He stood from the bed and offered me his hand, "Now then, why don't you get dressed and I'll go get you a coffee from the Starbucks around the corner. Then we can start our great trek."

I nodded in agreement as I accepted his help off the bed, "Yes, a white mocha-"

"With skim, not so hot and yes, you'd like the whip cream and a turkey bacon English muffin."

I glared at him, he held up his hands.

"Bells, you've ordered the same thing for the last three years, are you trying to tell me you want something different?"

I sighed and shook my head.

"No, you're right, it's what I want, thanks, Jas."


	4. Chapter 3: Decorated

We had been driving for several hours, mostly in comfortable silence. We were getting close to Hudson's Hope, the last town before Jasper's house. This had been the first home he'd brought after his breakup with Alice. No one in the family had ever been there. Edward had told me once he thought of it as his refuge. Jasper had told me it was very secluded, it sat on over 800 acres. He also told me he spent the first year away from Alice redesigning the entire home. Jasper said that he wanted a place that really reflected him; he had never really had that before.

We stopped at a small market in Hudson's Hope. I wanted to buy enough food for a few meals. We were planning to change me tomorrow, but until then, I still wanted to eat. While I shopped, Jasper went to the town's post office to fetch some things he had shipped here. I was just paying for everything when he returned, coming inside to help me with me bags.

I chatted politely with the clerk while he grabbed my bags. I rolled my eyes when he flashed the poor girl a brilliant smile and she blushed bright red. I certainly could understand how she felt. I'd been dazzled many times in my life. I winked at her and followed Jasper out the door.

"It's not far from here, only about twenty kilometers."

I smiled at Jasper as we climbed into the SUV. I'm sure he could feel my emotions… excitement, nervousness, but above all hope and gratitude.

"I know I've said it before, Jasper, but thank you. Not only for all you've done this past year for me, but for sharing your home with me… for agreeing to change me."

I felt his emotions settle over me like a blanket, he couldn't always effect me, but if I was focusing on him, he nearly always did. Joy, gratitude, hope, friendship, affection and above all, resolve. I nodded, no further words were needed between us. Jasper and I had grown incredibly close; we spent more time in silence than in conversation. Somehow, we just instinctively understood each other. We also trusted each other. I had steadfastly stood by his side (just as I did with Alice), when he and Alice broke up. I was the only one in the family who accepted it without argument. I think, perhaps because of it, I was the only one who received the full explanation from them both. Of course, after years of having my own decisions questioned and controlled, I would never dream of doing the same to anyone else.

True to his word, it wasn't long before we were turning off the main road, winding our way up a long and rough gravel drive. It took sometime to reach the house, Jasper took his time driving on the rough road, knowing how much I hated being jostled about. We came around a bend and out of the tree line and into a valley. I caught sight of a cabin, set up slightly on a hill. It was so serene. Warm honey colored wood and huge windows, a beautiful deck. I could already tell I would love this place.

"Oh, Jas, it's gorgeous!"

I bounced slightly in my seat; I couldn't wait to see how he had decorated it. I had a hunch, knowing a bit of his personal style, but I wanted to see if I was right. Jasper laughed softly.

"You're very eager, Bells."

I beamed at him, "It's _your_ house, Jasper! _Yours_! I can't wait to see it."

He just shook his head, pulling up to the side of the house, putting the car into park and killing the engine. I was unbuckled and out of my seat as quickly as humanly possible and jogging around to the front door. I could hear Jasper getting our stuff out of the car. I pressed my nose to the glass to see in. The living area seemed to take up the entire bottom floor, the furniture was a mix of muted blues, with several large black rugs in the various living areas. I could see huge black framed black and whites photos hanging on the walls. I was interrupted in my perusal by tugging on my hair.

"Care to actually go in, or were you planning on leaving nose prints all over my glass?"

I smirked at Jasper and stuck my tongue out. He quirked an eyebrow at me and opened the door, holding it wide for me to enter. I loved it! The framed photographs were a mix of early architecture from around the world... primitive stone walling, huts, teepees, Roman ruins, Egyptian pyramids, early industrialized areas. It was simple and yet, breathtaking. The overall effect was to inspire hope in change and progress. The living areas were relaxing and calm. There was no TV, only shelves filled with books, flanked by two overstuffed chairs and a couch. The dining table was made form a wood so dark, it appeared black, the chairs made from the same wood, but upholstered on the seats with fabric that matched the muted blues of the room. The kitchen was sleek and modern, all the appliances black.

Jasper took me downstairs to the basement, a more modern area, with an entertainment system to rival Emmett's. It also contained Jasper's office, a room filled with wall to wall bookcases, a large desk and two straight-backed chairs. What little room on the shelves not filled with books held many pictures I thought seemed to be contemporary from Jasper's youth. Alice had mentioned he was trying to find them, as he recalled his brother being quite taken with the new fangled photography. I went to have a closer look and was completely surprised to find a picture I recognized as Jasper in confederate uniform.

He wore such a serious expression, one hand resting on a sword hilt and the other hanging at his side. He looked only a little younger in the picture than he did currently. I picked up the frame to look at it more closely. Jasper had been very handsome, even before the change.

"Do you remember taking it?"

I felt a bit of wistfulness tinged with sadness emanate from him, I sat the photo back down.

"Not much, honestly. I recall being very annoyed with the photographer, but not why. I can't remember his face. I remember the sword. I was wearing it when Maria changed me. I remember sending this picture home to my family, to my sister. I didn't even know her name until a few years ago. As much as the so-called civil war buffs annoy me, their meticulous research was fruitful. I wouldn't have thought back then that the disappearance of a single Major would have been cause for much. So many were dying… I hate the thought that my family never got closure."

I went to stand next to him, where he leaned against the desk. I placed my hand on his arm, I recalled something he had told me about his mother, one of the few things he remembered clearly form his childhood.

"You and I see the same moon, no matter where you are, look up and know I'm looking up at the same time, and know, with out any doubts, you are loved."

I swear, if Jasper could have cried, this would have been the moment, before I could take in another breath, I was caught up in a tight hug.

"Thank you," he whispered it so softly, I barely caught it.

He let me go gently, taking my hand to lead me out of the office and upstairs.

"You wanna see my bedroom first?"

I nodded in reply and he lead me up yet another set of stairs, to a landing with two doors. He opened the one on the right. The first thing that caught my attention were the large windows and French doors on the east wall. They lead out to the deck I had seen from the outside. The room was simply furnished: a large bed covered in a white quilt, dark wood bedside tables and an old looking wingback leather chair in the corner with a stack of books at the foot. I briefly glanced into the bathroom, a large but simple room with a walk-in closet. He lead me out to the balcony. There were two Adirondack chairs with a low table between two sets of French doors. He led me into the other room through the French doors.

I was speechless. I wouldn't have decorated this room any differently. I looked back at Jasper, standing just behind me, slightly incredulous.

"I'll admit, I designed this with you in mind."

His voice was soft, still.

"Me?"

"I had a feeling… it was empty until just a year or so ago. I always felt the room was waiting for something."

I nodded, just about the time that my feelings for Edward began to change.

"It's perfect."

And it was. The room was furnished entirely in antiques. An antique cherry bed, covered in a mint green duvet was in the center of the wall across from the windows and French doors. A dressing table was on the same wall as the other door and a large mirror was in the corner. In the opposite corner was a chaise lounge. The bedside tables were small, just enough room for a book or phone. It was simple, and classic. The bathroom elicited another gasp; it was dominated by a beautiful antique claw foot tub. It too had a walk in closet.

"Can I keep you, Jas?"

Jasper just laughed, "Let's go unpack-"

He was interrupted by my stomach grumbling loudly, "-and perhaps you should make yourself something to eat."

I rolled my eyes at him and headed downstairs.


	5. Chapter 4: Just say yes

After I ate a simple dinner of chicken and roasted vegetables, Jasper took me for a short walk. He said the last owner of the cabin had left something I would love. After about ten minutes of walking at a leisurely place, we climbed up a small hill with a huge oak tree on the top. Hanging from one of the massive low branches was a beautiful hand carved porch swing, made form the same honey colored wood of the cabin. By this time, the sun was just beginning to set, and the swing was perfectly positioned to watch it dip below the mountains on the horizons.

I ran my hand lovingly along the lines of the swing before sitting down on one side and Jasper on the other. I curled my legs up under me, leaning slightly against Jasper, he had one leg folded and the other set the swing swinging at a gentle motion.

"I thought you might like to enjoy your 'last' sunset."

His voice was serene, "I used to love sunsets when I was human; so vibrant, just like God himself had painted on the canvas of the sky. They look different now, not any less beautiful, but somehow, less simple."

This was one thing I treasured about Jasper, that he always spoke the truth. He never sugarcoated the realities of being a vampire, but he was just as free with the things he enjoyed as well.

"I think I will miss sleep, miss dreaming… and that feeling you get when you wake up, but you don't have to leave the bed."

We lapsed back into silence as we watched the sun set, the sky was illuminated with brilliant colors: oranges, pinks, purples, reds and blues. This was one memory I would cling to. The weather turned cooler as the last rays began to fade. I was glad for my warm clothing, especially since I had a refrigerator sitting next to me.

"I won't miss having to dress for winter to sit next to any of you."

We laughed together as we got off the swing, headed back to the house. The full moon had risen early in the day, and in this place, with no light pollution, even I had no trouble seeing in the dark. When we got back to the cabin, Jasper built a fire in the large fireplace that dominated one wall of the living room. I chose a book from his shelf and sat down to read in one of the chairs. Jasper sat in front on the fire on one of the rugs, staring into the flames. He was quiet. We had been sitting for an hour or so, when his voice pulled me from my book.

"Do you mind if I watch you sleep tonight?"

I arched my brow at him, questioning, "Why would I mind?"

"I don't know, it's just that… well, Edward never asked your permission, and sleep, well, it's a private thing. I just miss it sometimes, and you're likely the last human I'll be spending any significant time with. I just wonder if it'll jog any memories. I wish I could remember what it was like to dream."

I sat my book down on the coffee table, and joined Jasper on the rug.

"Such a gentleman… of course you may, Jas, I don't mind."

He was warmer now, having absorbed a lot of heat from the fire, I rested my head on his shoulder, his emotions leaked and I was suffused with contentment. This was a good way to end my human life - surrounded by warmth and love.

I don't know how long we sat there, but the next thing I remembered was being gently lifted and carried into my room. I was awake enough when he sat me on the bed to open my eyes.

"I'm going to take a bath. I hate going to bed smelly."

I always sounded like a surly teenager when I was tired; it made Jasper smile.

"You do that, I'm going to go hunt. I won't be long."

I nodded and Jasper left out the balcony doors, I watched as he gracefully leapt off the balcony and disappeared into the night, a pale blur against the night. I stood and stretched, making my way into the bathroom and running the water as hot as I could stand, finding scented bubble bath under the counter and dumping a good measure in. I _loved_ bubble baths. While the tub filled, I laid out my nightclothes, a black long john undershirt, warm flannel bottoms and thick socks. I hated getting cold.

When the tub was full and the bubbles piled high, I sunk into the bath. It was huge, and I had plenty of room to stretch out, resting my head on a hand towel draped over one end. I languished in the warm water for a bit before dunking my head and making quick work of washing my hair, then relaxing back again. I heard a door open somewhere in the house, and the sound of a shower. Jasper had returned. The water was beginning to cool, so I got out.

I took time to dry my hair, it was cool here, but my skin was still flushed pink from the bath when I emerged into my room. I turned down the covers of the bed and started to climb in when I heard a soft knock at the door.

"Come in."

I so rarely saw Jasper in anything but jeans or slacks, it was interesting to see him dressed in dark sleep pants and a lightweight grey sweater, pushed up on his arms. His feet were bare.

"Want to come to my sleepover?"

I smiled, Jasper moved to sit on the chaise lounge, but I patted the spot next to me. He raised an eyebrow, questioning.

"It's okay, I'll just feel odd if you watch me from the chair, like I'm being sleep-stalked."

"Don't lie, you know you just want to braid my hair and paint my fingernails, Bella."

I gasped with mock outrage, "How dare you accuse me of such thoughts!"

I smacked him a pillow, which he took from me and put behind his head, laying down on the bed next to me, gazing up at the ceiling, arms crossed behind his head. I snuggled down in the covers and then propped myself up on one arm to look at him, he turned his head to look at me, his eyes the light tawny gold of a satiated vegetarian vampire. I was really sleepy, and I fought a losing battle to keep my eyes open.

"I always wanted to go to the moon."

I remembered hearing him chuckle and tell me to dream softly before I drifted off to sleep.

I dreamed, unsurprisingly, of being on the moon. I bounced around happily in the low gravity with Renee, while Charlie complained about the difficulties of catching stardust. I found Jasper doing flips over tranquility base with Emmett, while Alice admonished everyone to be careful about where they left footprints, something about a moonbase in 2030. Rosalie and Edward were arguing about vehicle propulsion systems. Carlisle and Esme sat watching the earth rise over the moons horizon. Before long, Emmett conned my mother and I into joining their flipping game, it ended abruptly when I almost crashed into the lunar lander, only to be spectacularly saved from ruining history by a mid-air rescue by Jasper. The dream ended with my entire family standing together, looking down at our big blue planet.

I woke up slowly, I was facing a different direction from last night, but I was pressed up against something cool. I turned over to find Jasper, in the exact same position he was when I went to sleep, except his eyes were closed. I felt slightly embarrassed for sleeping basically half on top of him. He opened one eye slightly, looking at me askance.

"Why are you embarrassed?

"Crap, stupid empath. Sorry I slept practically on top of you."

"Is that all? Dork. It was nice, you're very hot."

He quirked his eyebrows before standing up in one smooth move, I knew he was teasing me, seeing if he could make me blush.

"I especially enjoyed hearing you call out my name."

Bastard, that did it. I could feel my skin heating up.

"Jerkface! Get out of here, I need to get dressed and I'm starving."

Jasper wagged his eyebrows at me suggestively and I threw a pillow at him, but he was out the door before it even had a chance to make contact. His enjoyment lingered though and I smiled while I dressed and brushed my teeth. Lack of morning breath was going to be on the plus side of being a vampire. I pulled my hair up into a low ponytail and adjusted my t-shirt. I had been unable to avoid the temptation to purchase it when I saw it, I thought Jasper would love it. I slipped my feet into a pair of Uggs Alice had gotten me, tucking my skinny jeans into the hem, and headed to the kitchen.

Jasper was pouring me a cup of coffee when I entered; I took it from him and inhaled deeply.

"I'm going to miss coffee, mmm…"

I took a sip, savoring the flavor, that's when I noticed Jasper staring strangely at my boobs. I was bewildered for a moment, but then I remembered the shirt I was wearing, a snugly fitting black tee with the words 'Bite Me' emblazoned across the chest in glittery red. I had brought it a year or so ago when some vampire movie came out that had all the tweenagers obsessed with unrealistic versions of the real thing. Edward hated it. I thought the hysteria was hilarious. I'm pretty sure none of the fangirls would have believed that real vampires sparkled. They were too in love with the creatures of the night idea.

"See anything you like there, solider?"

Jasper's eyes flew to mine, I suddenly felt embarrassed, but it was just Jasper projecting. I winked at him and went to the refrigerator to gather ingredients for my last human meal, pancakes.

"Your sense of humor is twisted."

Jasper leaned against the counter, watching me mix ingredients as I warmed the griddle.

"I love that you have a fully stocked kitchen. After I'm changed I'm going to have to make soup kitchen meals or something, I love cooking."

"I know there's some people in the Hudson's Hope area that have difficulty getting around in the winter months, maybe I'll check with the town council when I'm in town next."

I poured the pancakes on the hot griddle. I kept a careful eye on them.

"Thanks, Jas. That'd be great."

I drank some more coffee while I waited for the pancakes to bubble. When they did I flipped them and went to cut up some strawberries, but Jasper took the knife from me and did it in about a fifth of the amount of time it would have taken me. I smiled at him in thanks and went back to hovering over the pancakes. When they were done, I put them all on a plate, drowning them in syrup and topping them off with the strawberries.

Jasper cleaned the kitchen while I ate at the kitchen bar. He was humming a tune I couldn't place. It sounded familiar. I cocked my head to the side to listen as I chewed. Every once in awhile, he would sing instead of hum, but he was singing too softly for me to catch. I sat down my fork.

"What are you humming, it sounds so familiar, it's driving me nuts."

Jasper finished drying the last dish and he tossed the dishtowel on his shoulder. He looked very domestic. He started singing louder.

"Just say yes, just say there's nothing holding you back, it's not a test, nor a trick of the mind, only love. Just say yes, 'cause I'm aching and I know you are too, for the touch of your warm skin as I breathe you in."

Ahh, Snow Patrol. He came to stand behind me and wrapped his arms around me.

"I can feel your heart beat through my shirt. This was all I wanted, all I want."

It was a moment that could have been awkward; we hadn't really discussed how and when he would bite me, just that we would do it today. He bent down and rested his head in the crook of my neck, I felt his breath wash over me as he inhaled deeply and exhaled. When he whispered to me, I felt the vibrations of his larynx against my ear.

"Is there anything else, Bella? Anything at all?"

His voice was so kind. I closed my eyes and leaned my head against his.

"I want to stand under the sun, I want to see the sky."

I felt him nod and he stepped back, offering me his hand. I left my dishes where they were, my pancakes half eaten. He lead me outside, lead me to the middle of a field of wild flowers behind the cabin and we stood under the sun, I looked up into the sky taking in the endless blue expanse, I stared at the sun until it nearly blinded me. I took off my boots and relished the feeling of cool grass between my toes.

It could have been minutes, or hours, but I finally turned to Jasper. He was waiting behind me, the sunlight reflecting off his skin like facets of diamonds. He smiled and I felt what he felt, joy, pure and simple. I knew that the next few days would be the most painful I had ever endured, but I was ready. He felt my resolve. He took my hand again, speaking to me in low tones as we walked back, slowly, as I was still barefoot, carrying my boots in the other hand.

"It will hurt, a lot. Hold on to your memories tightly, repeat them over and over to yourself. I'll do my best to help you through it. It might go easier for you, knowing what you're getting into, but it might not. Your 'shield' might help. Put on something extremely comfortable. If you have any of those nightclothes Alice gave you – that might be best – you're about to become extremely sensitive to textures. If it's alright with you, I'll change your clothes right before the change is finished so you won't wake up bathed in human sweat. It's unpleasant."

"Of course, Jasper… just… just take care of me, okay?"

He stopped us there, right before the threshold of the cabin and gathered me up in the warmest, most affectionate hug he'd ever given me. I'd never felt safer than this.

""I'll be with you, Bells, through every step."

"Thank you," I hugged him back fiercely."

"Now, go on and get changed, call me when you're ready."

Jasper went into the kitchen to finish cleaning while I went upstairs. I did indeed have a couple of the silk pajama sets that Alice had given me. I chose the deep purple one and changed into it. I brushed my hair, washed my face and brushed my teeth. I took off my jewelry and set it aside. I looked into the mirror for a long time, memorizing the face of the woman I had just become, a face I was just beginning to recognize… and just about to lose. I stared at my eyes for a long time, trying to imagine them vivid red.

I took a deep breath, I counted to ten, and I let go. I let go of the anxiety and the fear. I concentrated on my trust and affection for Jasper. I concentrated on the many years I would have to learn all I desired… All the time I would have to get to really know my family. I concentrated on the fact that they would now be safe from the Volturi's retribution for breaking the law by revealing themselves to me. I took another deep breath, standing silently for a few moments, listening to my heart beat.

"Jasper."

He was at my door not ten seconds later, I walked out from the bathroom to meet him. He entered the room and we met in the middle. I reached out and grasped his hand. He pulled me towards him, stared into my eyes for a moment and the turned me away from him, nestling me into his chest. I stared out the windows and then closed my eyes. I felt him brush the hair away from my neck. He rested his check against mine and took several deep breaths. I was suffused with calm and languor. I felt his lips at the base of my throat, trailing upwards; he was murmuring something softly. He paused over my jugular vein. I had just enough time to take a breath and then he bit me.

I felt the pull as he drank from the vein, enough to make me light headed, before I felt the all consuming burn that almost obliterated all rational thought. One small part of me realized he was pumping venom into my veins. It seemed to go on for a lifetime. I think I was screaming. I felt him bite me several more times, each time filling me with molten lava that raced through my veins. Finally, I felt him settle me onto the bed. I was writhing in agony.

"Bella, hold on to your memories."

I felt him lay down next to me, his cool body a welcome relief to the fire that burned through my veins. I felt something playing at the edges, I felt a bit of calmness. The small part of my brain that could still think realized that Jasper must be using his gift on me. I vaguely recognized his voice as he spoke to me, but time had lost all meaning. I desperately tried to crawl into that small space in my mind, where the fire wasn't burning quite so hotly, where I was greedily storing all of my memories.

Eventually, I became the pain, the pain invaded even my small sanctuary, but here, the flames did not burn the memories I had built up, they just burnt my body. I was no longer aware of the passage of time, I was sunk in this utter pit of fiery despair, I forgot how long I had been here, only that I was here and I wasn't sure if I was every going to get out. I'd been in the pit so long, I'd forgotten where the pit was. I felt cool hands on my head, teasing me with false hope of an end. I heard a sweet voice whisper to me, but it was a lie. I felt the sensation of being moved.

My pain focused sharply on one spot. I swear I was a super nova about to explode, and they dying star was centered in my chest. I'd never felt such fiery pain, not even in the pit. I was the pain, the pain was me and I was about to die.


	6. Chapter 5: Sunrise

I shattered.

Time moved so slowly, it was almost still.

Empty, my chest felt empty. I was motionless, frozen. I needed to move, I needed something. I took a deep breath, and the world exploded. My eyes flew open in surprise… so much information. I sniffed the air, I smelled something intriguing– sunshine, leather, sweet oats, horse – it was a smell I could live with forever. It made me happy for no reason.

Suddenly my mind, which somehow felt too big for my skull, registered two things: I wasn't alone, and that the smell belonged to the other person. I furrowed my brow, this other person – they were familiar – they, no, he had name.

"Jasper."

He let out a breath I hadn't realized he was holding, and stepped into my line of sight. I noticed crescent shaped scars on his exposed skin. Bite marks, my overgrown mind supplied. I cocked my head, studying them for a moment, but quickly dismissing them as no more important than all the scars I had gathered during my lifetime. I wanted to touch one, and before I had completed the thought, I was standing directly in front of him, holding his arm and pushing up the sleeve of his shirt, tracing my fingers over the slightly raised flesh. He tensed. I didn't understand. He didn't pull away though and I lifted my head and looked into his eyes.

"So many stories," I whispered.

I realized how different my voice sounded, softer, more lyrical, but strong still, clear.

"Bella."

I had thought my voice sounded different, I'd never realized just how sweet his was, like honey caressing my eardrums. I didn't have long to ponder this train of thought though, as he utterance of my name brought memories to the surface, playing through my thoughts quicker than I would have ever thought possible. I'd always heard your life flashes before your eyes when you die, well, in my case, the old adage held true.

It was intense, so intense, I sank to the floor, curling into a fetal position. I was vaguely aware of Jasper, attempting to calm me with his gift, but it wasn't working. He came to his knees beside me, touching me gently between my shoulder blades. It was at that moment that his gift started working and I felt myself getting calmer. After a few minutes, I was able to sit up.

"I don't think that was normal."

I stated this so nonchalantly that Jasper laughed. I frowned at him, I was about to retort when for the first time I became aware of an itch in the back of my throat. My frown deepened.

"I think I might be thirsty. My throat itches."

Jasper arched one brow; he looked out of sorts.

"Itches?"

I nodded.

"It doesn't burn?"

I shook my head.

"That's odd. I've never heard a vampire describe their thirst as anything but a burn, and as a newborn, your throat should be on fire."

I thought for a moment, probing the feeling. No, it was definitely an itch, kind of like that scratchy throat feeling I always got before I was about to get sick.

I shrugged, "Well, when has anything about me ever been normal?"

The absurdity of the situation hit me, and I doubled over in laughter. Here I was, sitting in the middle of my bedroom floor with a centuries old vampire, having just survived the most excruciatingly painful experience of my incredibly accident prone life, worried because my throat wasn't on fire. I'm pretty sure the appropriate feeling here would be gratefulness.

I wondered if my so-called 'shield' had anything to do with it. I'd always been quite successful at blocking out painful memories; perhaps, I was now equally successful in blocking painful sensations.

"Itch, burn, whatever, I still think it means I'm thirsty. Your eyes are much blacker than they should be – you just fed a few days ago. You can teach me to hunt."

Jasper went through a myriad of emotions. I suspected he often did this, but now, I had sufficient brainpower to process the feelings he emanated in the quick succession that I felt them. Disbelief, confusion, anger, pride, hope, excitement – the one he settled on.

"I'd love to."

He stood and offered me his hand. I grasped it bit too tightly and he winced. I smiled apologetically and loosened by grip. He walked out the French doors, and in one graceful move, leapt out into the night sky. I grinned and followed suit, amazed at how slowly I seemed to be moving. It felt no different than stepping off a stair. I ran to catch up to Jasper, who was headed into the trees.

He wove in and out between their trunks; I was full of joy as I chased him, impromptu cat and mouse. He finally stopped in a small clearing.

"Now, Bella, hunting is instinctual. Just give yourself over to your senses."

He paused; turning to look east, head tilted as if he was listening and then sniffed the air.

I mimicked him, and heard the slow murmur of a heartbeat. I smelled something spicy. It made my mouth water, or rather, made venom pool.

"Mmm, it smells good. What is it?"

"Cougar."

I grinned and took off at a full run, doing as Jasper said and giving myself over to my instincts. It took only minutes to reach the spot where the big cat was. It sat in a stony outcropping, grooming itself. I paused only a moment to admire the beauty o the cat before launching myself into the air and lunging at the animal. The cougar had little time to react, it had only begun to hiss when I broke its neck and sunk my teeth into its soft skin that gave way like tissue paper beneath my teeth.

I sucked greedily at the vein, until I had savored the last obtainable drop. I sat back on my heels. My shirt was dirty, but I had only spilled a bit of blood on the front. I wiped my face. It didn't seem too messy. I felt sated, not full, but my throat no longer itched. I was proud of myself. I had secretly worried I would completely suck at hunting. Satisfied with myself, I made quick work of disposing of the carcass. It'd be pretty no bueno for some hiker to stumble across an exsanguinated cougar corpse.

I wondered where Jasper was, I tried sniffing the air, looking for his scent, but was unsuccessful, I must have traveled some distance from our original location. I started running back towards the spot we had separated, stopping to scent the air every mile or so. I finally came across his trail ten miles back towards the cabin. I stopped and called out his name, knowing he could likely hear me.

Only moments later, Jasper agilely leapt down from a tree and landed softly beside me. His eyes were back to a warm gold. He looked impeccable. I was slightly jealous. He looked at me questioningly, clearly having felt it.

"You're so… clean."

No other word for it, Jasper guffawed. My jaw dropped.

"Jerk!"

Once he got himself back until control, he beamed at me.

"Sorry hon, I just never expected that response from you. Trust me, you look a damn sight better than most other newborns after their first hunt… or Emmett after a bear."

I laughed at that.

"Either way, I'd like a shower."

"Sure thing, the sun will be up in a few hours, thought you might like to sit out on the deck and enjoy it."

-

We had been sitting on the deck for an hour, when the sky began to lighten, entering into the murky pre-dawn blues. We had been mostly silent. I gathered Jasper was processing something, based on his emotions. I know I was processing the changes in me. I had expected it to be harder. Honestly, I wondered if I was in some sort of strange vampire shock. I only half jokingly worried if it would wear off sometime soon and I'd turn into a normal newborn. Things in my life just weren't this easy. At least, I didn't think they were.

I made an effort to stop thinking and focused on enjoying the new spectrum of colors available to me. The sunrise was so complex, colors appearing and disappearing, melting into one another at alarming rates. As the sun finally made an appearance over the mountain ridges, the kaleidoscopic effect intensified a hundredfold. It wasn't long before the first rays of sunlight reached the deck. The light reflecting off my skin fascinated me. I couldn't decide if the effect was more or less distracting as a vampire. It appeared more brilliant, but my brain was better equipped to handle what my eyes conveyed to it. I glanced over at Jasper. He had his eyes closed and head tilted skywards, soaking up the first rays of light.

My unnecessary breath caught in my throat, definitely more distracting. It was like the sun resided within him and it shone through every pore of his body; as if his skin could not contain his soul, and bits of it leaked out. I was mesmerized. It was so different than what I recalled Edward looking like when he was in the sun. Edward had always been uncomfortable with what he was, unlike Jasper, who embraced who he was, good and bad. Where Edward merely reflected light, Jasper absorbed it and it leaked back out. I vaguely recalled having difficulty seeing beyond the refractions to Edward's face as a human. This was not the case with Jasper; the light embraced him, highlighting his face, but never overshadowing it.

Jasper opened turned his head and opened his eyes. He looked at me for what seemed like forever, but in reality was only a few seconds. A wistful smile graced his lips.

"Perfect."

We sat quietly, looking back to the sun. It had risen well over the mountains when he spoke again.

"At first, I was so worried. Logically, I knew you would come through the change but my heart wrenched to see you in such pain. I tried to help as much as possible, but you were cutting me off. It took all my strength to not break anything in frustration. I'm ever so thankful your change went relatively quickly, just two an a half days…"

He trailed off, seemingly lost in thought, I kept silent; he eventually continued.

"I don't know what I was expecting really. I thought you'd have slightly more control than your average newborn. I never expected this. It's like you've bypassed all the negatives and ended up with only the perks. I don't really know how I feel about it. I never thought something like this was possible. I'd like to say its' got a lot to do with whatever your gift may be, but that doesn't seem to ring true. Part of me keeps waiting for you to snap out of it and into the typical newborn, but I know that's ridiculous. The more I've sat here and thought about, it just seems right. You were meant for this life – Fate's given you a break here – that and your innate goodness. I've never met anyone as selfless as you.

"I was worried that you'd lose that… that somehow the thirst, the demon, that it would steal that from you. Instead, you tamed it. You desired control of your own life, and you've truly gotten it."

He took a deep breath, looking to me briefly, and when he continued, he spoke so softly I wouldn't have been able to hear him three days ago.

"I'm just so glad, Bella, that every part of you that I love survived the change. Just like fire purifies gold, your burning refined every good and pure part of you. When you looked upon my scars and you held not a trace of fear or disgust…"

He paused; I felt an overwhelming sense of gratitude radiate from him.

"…that has _never_ happened before. Vampires instinctually react to them – they're a threat, a warning. But not you… you looked at me with compassion and respect."

I reached over and took hold of his hand, intertwining my fingers with his.

"You overwhelm me with emotion, Bella, in the best way. You are my best friend, my touchstone. I love you. Thank you for trusting me enough to let me bring you into this life."

I agreed with Jasper, Fate was being kind with me. There was no single relationship I valued more in this world than my friendship with Jasper. His honesty, his trust, it gave me such freedom. He had given me so much; I was glad that I could return in some way, what he had given me. I respected this man, far above any other. He pulled himself out of the darkest places one could imagine and had done so without boasting. I was glad that I seemed to have skipped the newborn phase. I would have that much more time to spend with Jasper, time where we didn't have to contend with anyone's jealousy or curiosity. Time where we could just be.

"It could have only been you."

-

AUTHORS NOTE So, I'm generally not a fan of author's notes, at least in my own fanfic, just stick a disclaimer in the summary and be done with it. I like to leave my readers to make their own impressions of the stories and characters, untainted by my own perceptions. However, I wanted to say that I am overwhelmed by the response to this. When I log in to my account to update, and I see how many people have read this, ahh, nothing beats that feeling for an author.

So, here I am, letting you know how grateful I am. Also, to those who've taken time to leave me a review, it means so much, a special thank you to ya'll.


	7. Chapter 6: Unexpected reactions

Time moved on, the moments seemed to stretch forever, while the days flew by. I grew closer to Jasper than I had ever been with anyone. I cherished this time; I cherished him.

I'd found that I loved making discoveries. So much about this new life was unexpectedly pleasant. I found that I loved doing handstands and cartwheels and tumbling around in the grass. I could do it for hours. I loved the way dirt smelled. I loved spending my mornings watching the sun rise and my evenings watching it set. I loved to listen to Jasper retell his story for me, for my now perfect memory. I loved that he was teaching me to play the guitar. I loved that he listened to me recount each one of the memories I had brought with me into this life as we watched the fire burn at night. I loved to hunt, even if I mostly had to eat herbivores for the sake of impacting the local cougar and bear population.

I missed things I never thought I would. I missed bone deep exhaustion that makes falling into bed feel like heaven. I missed my stupid morning breath and my embarrassing blushes. I missed my scars more than I thought I would, the only ones not erased by venom were the ones left by venom soaked teeth. My scars had been the roadmap to my life. Of course, I also missed the things that I thought I would: the sound of Charlie's voice, Renee's discombobulated care packages, being held while I slept, I even missed the wolves, missed Jake, even though we hadn't spoken in several years.

I was on the computer, emailing Charlie and Renee an 'update' when Jasper poked his head into his office (where I was using his computer); he looked worried.

"I just got the strangest call from Alice."

He entered the room fully, folding his lean frame into one of the chairs in front of the desk. I quickly finished off my emails and sent them off to the router address that remailed them from the appropriate location. I focused my attention solely on Jasper.

"She wanted to know if I had heard from you recently. Apparently, although I haven't frequently graced her visions in the last few years, I'm now conspicuously absent. She said she tried calling you, but of course, your phone is going to voicemail. I'm sure you'll get an email soon."

I looked back to the computer screen, no new emails had come in, I clicked the refresh button for good measure, still nothing.

"What did you tell her?"

"That I had heard from you, that we spoke fairly often. She complained she only got email from you every week or so. I teased her, told her you must like me better. She asked how you were, I told her you were doing well. I think she's assumed you've decided to visit me or something and that's why my future is gone."

I was relieved, not ready to leave my idyllic life in this remote cabin. It's been the most relaxing and untroubled three months I'd spent in my entire life. I'd settled into my life as a vampire with very little complications. I'd even come across the scent of a hiker on our way to hunt and had been able to turn away. It had appealed to me, of course, but something about the thought of taking another life had seemed so wrong to me, that I was disgusted… so much so, it was two days until I hunted again. I was so proud of Jasper. Every time I threw him for a loop with my unexpected behavior, he took it all in stride, never judging my experience by his own.

I sighed; my time in Eden was coming to an end. Bella Swan's number was up. We had just received all the new documentation for my new identity as Bella Littlefield. I had chosen this name after Jasper told me stories about one of his last human memories. He had spent a few weeks with George Littlefield right after Jasper had joined the army. George had been captured and in Kentucky but (through hijinks hilarious enough that they stuck with Jasper through the change) had escaped several days later. Jasper told me that he had gone on to die a very rich man, giving much away upon his death. Apparently he was quite well known in Texas. I had never heard of him and since it was unlikely that I'd visit Texas, I chose it. I liked it… and it wasn't Cullen.

"It's almost time, isn't it?"

Jasper nodded in response to my question.

"You know my father will call the Cullen's when he gets the news. They're going to know something is up, especially since they think I'm with my family and Charlie tells them I died in the Amazon jungle. Even Emmett knows I'd never willingly go to a place with that much humidity."

Jasper and I both laughed. One thing that I hadn't liked about Dartmouth, and one of the reasons I had spent a lot of my summers during college with Charlie, was the humidity in New Hampshire. Forks may have been rainy most of the time, but the summers were nice. I preferred if moisture didn't just hang around in the air, making it feel like a sweaty gross locker room.

"Maybe it's time we tested your control. It's probably a conversation best help in person and I'd rather go to them. I don't want the whole family in Eden."

Personally, I agreed. I had jokingly referred to the cabin as Eden one day, and it had stuck. It might be greedy of me, but I didn't want to share.

"I agree. I'll go hunt. It should be morning by the time I'm back. We can catch the sunrise and then head into town."

Jasper nodded and smiled. He got up and headed back upstairs. It sounded like he was building a fire. I was either really distracted earlier or he had spoken with Alice outside of the house since I hadn't heard it. I checked my email again. Ah, there it was. I clicked on the email to open it.

_Bella,_

_I think I should merit an email at least as often as Jasper. Of course, maybe if you did, I wouldn't even be able to see my own future. What gives with your phone anyway? I can understand why you might not want to call here… but you could at least answer your phone when we call, or you know, maybe turn your phone on? I expect you to call me soon._

_Edward seems to finally be doing a bit better, finally. He's not moping as much, and there are only so many depressing piano concertos I can handle in one lifetime. I've seen a bit of his future, but I think it's best to let him work it out on his own. He's going to be just fine – I wish I could give you the same assurance, but I haven't even seen you on the edges of any vision in a few months… but from your emails, you sound happy. Jasper said you were doing okay, and since, apparently, he's your bff now, I'll trust his judgment. Though you know, you can talk to me too. I know what it's like to lose your first love too._

_Come see us soon, I miss you and there's so many great lines coming out for the Fall season! It's time for a wardrobe update for us both. _

_Love, love, love you!_

_Alice_

I couldn't tell her the reason I hadn't answered the phone was because my voice had changed, you know, being a vampire and all. I also wasn't sure how to respond to her comments about Jas and I. I knew I could get away without a response for a few days and so I decided to think about it for a while.

"I think Alice is jealous."

I spoke loudly enough for Jasper to hear, I heard him laugh.

"Oh, I know, I gave you the short version of our conversation. She was worried you thought she was mad at you for breaking things off with Edward. She thought you were speaking to me because I always thought Edward was a jerk about changing you and she tried to walk that line between best friend and brother. Don't worry though; she was fine by the time we were off the phone. I assured her you just needed time and space to think… Time to get used to your new circumstances in life and I just happened to be the safest choice for confidante, not living in the same house and all."

"New circumstances in life? I might not be psychic, but even I know she's going to throw those words back in your face when she sees us."

"I know, I couldn't help it, it was too perfect. The little pixie is going to kick my ass though. I take it you've gotten an email?"

"Yep, I'll reply to her later though, I'm headed out."

"I smelled some cougars up on the north side, by that stream earlier. It shouldn't hurt to have one."

I grinned, "You're the best, Jas. Thanks!"

I powered down the laptop and exited the cabin through the basement doors, taking my time getting to where Jasper scented the big cats, running at a leisurely pace. It was just past midnight and I had plenty of time. I also needed time for contemplation. Like it or not, I would soon be in the middle of a Cullen Family Drama. There were going to be a lot of hurt feelings, all of them my fault. Jasper had tried insisting several times that he fully shared responsibility, but truthfully, it was all my decision. I was also slightly apprehensive. Tomorrow we were going to go into town to test my theory about my reaction to human blood. After the hiker, I theorized that my own personal aversion to killing was enough of a reaction to stimulate my shield that protected me from the bloodlust inspired by human blood. Jasper was willing to go along with it.

-

I took my time bathing. I hadn't really gotten that dirty hunting; it hadn't taken me long to perfect my technique after the change. However, hunting without putting my hair up was a guarantee to collect dirt and debris. I also loved how hot the water felt. I never truly appreciated hot water until now. I could just imagine what it must have felt like to lay next to me while I slept. I rinsed the conditioner out of my hair and let the water out of the bath as I stepped out. I only towel dried my hair, knowing, that it would dry in perfect loose tousled curls. I was secretly in love with my hair; it was that bedroom hair I used to be so envious of whenever I say it in the movies… or you know, on Rosalie.

I went into the closest, for the first time since my change, I had to actually think about what I would have worn in this weather when I was human. It had been in the mid-fifties yesterday. I put on a pair of dark denim skinny jeans and a blue and gray striped Dylan tee from free people. I grabbed a brown pea coat and scarf, laying them next to me while I slipped on the cowboy boots Jasper had gotten me this past Christmas, they were vintage and scuffed as hell, but I loved them. I put on a couple of necklaces. I grabbed the jacket and scarf, carrying them with me out onto the deck and laying them on the table between the chairs. Jasper wasn't out yet but I could hear his shower running. I assumed he had also gone hunting. I turned my gaze to the mountains in the distance. The sky was still dark, but I knew it would be just a few minutes until it started to lighten.

I closed my eyes and leaned back in the chair, Jasper's shower had stopped and I heard the sounds of rustling fabric as he dressed. I listened as he opened the door and stepped out to join me, not bothering to shut the door behind him. I kept my eyes closed, expecting him to settle into the seat beside me. Instead, he perched on the arm of my chair. I opened my eyes and looked up at him. My guess was correct, he had also gone hunting, his eyes were warm and bright, not a hint of darkness around the edges. He quirked an eyebrow at me, grabbed me hand an pulled me up and out of the chair. He slipped off the arm and into my vacated spot. I looking at him huffily, he merely grinned and pulled me down to sit in his lap. I draped my legs over the side of the chair, settling sideways in his lap. I unashamedly buried my nose in the crook between his neck and shoulder, taking a deep breath before resting my head on his shoulder. Jasper laughed. He always teased me, but I loved the way he smelled. I'd catch him sniffing my hair every once in a while too. He said I reminded him of his youth, a summer night stolen with his sweetheart, laying in hayfields with pilfered fruit and flowers from his mother's garden.

The sky began to lighten, and we sat in silence as we watched another sunrise together. Winter would come to our valley soon; I hoped I would be back to see how she embraced Eden in her cold embrace. I felt inundated with a feeling of contentment, I didn't know if it was Jasper, or Jasper reflecting my own feelings back towards me. I couldn't always tell the difference now. Somehow, he had learned to go around my shield, or I had learned to let it down, for he almost always had access to my emotions now. However, very often we felt the same things. He said his thirst hadn't been as bad around me. I sometimes wondered over the cause, wondered if perhaps I projected my shield over him in some way or if my emotions affected him that strongly.

Our relationship had changed in the last few months, I wasn't quite sure how to define it. We were closer than friends, but he didn't feel like my brother. Sometimes I would look at him and feel an odd stirring in my heart. He would look at me and smile in that sweet shy way and I would feel the feeling reflected. We never discussed it. I was almost afraid to examine it too closely, afraid of somehow breaking the spell. All I knew, what I clung to at times, was that Jasper was home. I loved him beyond anyone else and I know he felt the same way. In so many ways, Jasper had given me a new life. I was comfortable in my own skin for the first time ever. I would be ever grateful.

The sun rose above the peaks, bathing us in glorious light. I closed my eyes, enjoying the way the brightness seeped warmly red through my closed lids. My hair must have fallen in my face because I felt Jasper brush it back, before placing his arm over my legs again, cradling my knee.

"I will miss this."

He spoke softly, his breath sweet as he exhaled.

I opened my eyes, a half smile on my lips, I reached up to him and cupped his cheek. He leaned into my touch.

"We'll be back."

I spoke with such certainty that I surprised myself, but it felt right. We would be back.

He placed his hand over mine pulling it down and interlacing our fingers. He rested our entwined hands over his heart. I wished I could have heard it beat, just once. I'm sure it would have been strong and steady. We stayed there, breathing each other in, until the sun disappeared behind the clouds of what was forecasted to be a cloudy day, summer storms on the horizon for the rest of the week.

"We should go."

I felt nervous, apprehensive. Jasper held me closer for a moment, letting me feel his emotions, but not overwhelming my own. Confidence, pride, love.

"Okay, let's do it."

I stood up, needlessly stretching – I was practicing human. Jasper chuckled.

"Just don't forget to blink, it freaks people out."

He closed the doors while I put on my jacket and scarf. He met me at the SUV, having put on his own jacket. He looked great, worn in jeans, tight blue sweater and an old jacket; he too was wearing his boots. Jasper climbed into the SUV, starting it as I climbed in the other side. He was radiating excitement.

I looked at him askance, "What?"

"I get to go fast!"

"Boys."

He checked to make sure the car was still in 4WD and took off at a ridiculous pace. It was fun though. The trip to the main road was accomplished in a third of the time it had taken us back in June, although, it still wasn't quick. We were just going to go to the post office, and depending on how that went, stop in at the local diner for a cup of coffee that neither of us would drink. However, it only took twenty minutes to reach town from the main road and before I felt ready, he pulled into the parking lot of the post office.

Jasper again projected his feelings towards me and I smiled in gratitude. He put his hand on the door handle.

"Just remember to act human, but don't be afraid to stop breathing if you have to. You'll do great, Bella, you always surpass my expectations."

"Thanks, Jas."

We exited the vehicle. I immediately smelled the people inside and I could hear their heartbeats, but the bloodlust remained at bay. It was very akin to the feeling you got after eating too much, sure, dessert looked good, but the thought of eating it made you slightly nauseous. So, I didn't think about eating it. I was indifferent. I wanted to avoid being a nauseous vampire.

Jasper looked at me, oddly.

"Nausea… then… indeifference?"

I spoke too low and quick for anyone inside to hear as he held the door open for me.

"Sure, they smell great, but, it's like that feeling when you gorge yourself, and even if you came across the worlds most appetizing meal, if you ate it, you'd end up ralphing all over the place. However, if you don't think about eating it, your stomach stays fine."

Jasper shook his head, rolling his eyes and smiling.

"You amaze me, Bella."

We walked up to the counter; the gentleman working there looked at us and then apparently forgot how to speak. His eyes were focused on me. Whoa, I was dazzling somebody. Jasper cleared his throat. The man looked embarrassed and greeted us.

"Mr. Whitlock, a pleasure to see you again. We've got a few packages for you. Is this your-"

"Gerry, this is Bella Littlefield, a good friend of mine. Bella, Gerry White."

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Gerry."

We managed to gather all of Jasper's mail without any incident, although I did accidentally dazzle Gerry a few more times, eliciting delighted grins from Jasper anytime Gerry wasn't looking. Jasper could feel my embarrassment. He wasted no time teasing me on the way to the diner, which again, I had no problems resisting any one there. I did manage to dazzle every man who looked at me though, however unintentional it was. He continued teasing me on the way home, until I finally growled at him. This produced the opposite effect I had hoped for. He teased me even more.

We finally arrived back at Eden. As soon as we were both out of the SUV, I leapt onto his back, flipped him and pinned him on the ground. I'm sure he could have escaped, had he not been laughing so hard. I was indignant. I let him up and sat back on my heels. He made no effort to get up, he was still laughing. He finally managed to sit up next to me, slinging an arm around my shoulders.

"I'm sorry, Bells. It's just so hilarious… and you were so embarrassed. I hate to break it to you, darlin', but you're gorgeous and you're a vampire. You're going to be dazzling people frequently."

I furrowed my brow; this was just great. Jasper laughed again, and took my chin in his hand; he placed the briefest of kisses on my mouth. His lips only barely touched mine, but I was completely unprepared for my reaction. I felt like my lips were on fire, they tingled so fiercely and that feeling, the one that sometimes stirred at the bottom of my heart suddenly raged into to something much more like a tornado. I was confused, Jasper had kissed me before, albeit, not on the lips, but a kiss into my hair or dropped on my forehead, a peck on the cheek. I froze in shock. His expression mirrored my own. He had felt it too, it was one of those moments when I couldn't tell my feelings from his, when our emotions were so in sync, that they encompassed us both.

We stared at each other, neither of us able to comprehend what had just happened, much less speak. I was still more or less cradled in his one arm; the hand he had placed on my chin had dropped and was now cupped against my neck. At some point I had placed a hand on his arm. Jasper's face was only a few inches away from mine. I don't know what guided me, but I closed the distance between us, placing my lips over his, softly. His arms tightened around me as he gently kissed me back. We rested our foreheads against each other, our lips no longer touching, but so close we were breathing in tandem. He wrapped both arms around me, and I circled my arms around his waist. He stood, bringing me up with him, holding me slightly off the ground for moment before carefully setting me on my feet. We still clung to each other, though, I was now tucked against Jasper's chest and he rested his chin on the crown of my head.

We stood there, clinging to each other, silent, still surrounded by a storm of emotions. The range of emotions had varied somewhat, but they were still so intense that it was impossible to determine which emotion originated from whom. I don't think it mattered; we were both caught up in the whirlwind. I pulled back; I wanted to look Jasper in the eyes. He loosened his hold on me, looking down at me. His eyes had darkened, no longer the smooth gold from this morning, more of a dark amber, smoldering. I closed my eyes again, trying to separate myself enough from my emotions to respond rationally.

"Inside?"

I had meant that to come out as a full sentence, clearly, I failed. Jasper didn't seem to notice, merely nodded and turned towards the house, dropping the embrace but clasping my hand to his. I was glad for this. I was afraid that if he let go of me, the world would come crashing to my feet. It was irrational, but I was in shock. I had just shared the best kiss of my entire life with Jasper… Jasper, my best friend, my confidante, my companion, my sire… my best friend's ex-husband, my ex's brother – but I didn't care about all that, all I wanted was to be held by him. He led me to the couch, and we sat facing each other, our hands still linked. He looked down at our hands, tracing the scar on the inside of my wrist with his free hand.

"I'm afraid to let go, I don't think I could handle… any of it… if it wasn't real."

I reacted instinctively, wrapping myself so completely around Jasper that I was sitting in his lap, my legs around his waist. I was purring, literally. I had no idea what had come over me. Jasper didn't seem to mind, he just leaned his head against mine, his mouth against my ear.

"I've never felt this way before, like a part of me I didn't even know was missing has come home."

His whisper sent shivers down my spine. I took a deep breath.

"Exactly. I've come home."

He kissed my neck, almost reverently, at my words. I didn't worry about where we would go from here. I didn't worry about what Edward or Alice would think. I didn't worry about any of the thousands of things my brain was capable of worrying about. I simply enjoyed the moment; the moment I realized something that had been in front of me for months. He had given me what I had always craved, unconditional love – love with no expectations, no requirements and no restrictions, but I wanted nothing more than to be bound to him. I loved him. Jasper was my definition of home.

-

I'm on twitter now, if you care to follow me diphataphata it's kind of my concession to an author's note… if you want, you might find out a bit about my process.

P.S. Thank you, thank you to my reviewers!


	8. Chapter 7: Surprise

We talked for hours, mostly about our hopes for the future. We already knew each other better than any other person knew us, so there was no need to speak on many things. He knew my triumphs and struggles and I knew his. We understood each other intimately. Thanks to Jasper's gift, we were cocooned by the emotions we both felt. At this moment, everything was right in our world. This place truly was Eden.

When there were no more words left, only our emotions, we took each other by the hand and headed upstairs. Jasper led me into his room. He opened the doors to the deck so we could breathe in the fresh night air. We lay on the bed; my head cushioned on his chest, listening as the summer storm began in the distance, thunder rumbling. I only got up once, to close the doors when the rain started. Jasper would occasionally run his fingers through my hair; I traced patterns on the back of his hand. It was bliss.

A constant undertone to the love we felt was desire. I wanted this man, this vampire to make me his, I wanted to make him mine. There were still many things we had to face.

"I love you, Jasper, I'm in love with you."

His arms tightened around me, he kissed the top of my head.

"I want you, all of you-"

He interrupted me before I had a chance to finish, as always, on the same page as me.

"It's okay, Bella. I feel the same way, and I love you endlessly. We have a lot facing us right now, and the last thing either of us wants to do, is have this-"

He lifted our joined hands.

"-tainted by anything. What's a few more weeks or months compared to an eternity together? I won't deny my feelings for you, but once we give ourselves to each other completely, body and soul, I'm not going to want to share you for a long time. I love you, Bella. I want to be by your side forever; I want to be your husband, I want you to be my wife. I never want to let you go. Nevertheless, we have things that need to be taken care of, a family we owe an explanation to, and we'll both feel better if we take care of that first."

I tipped my head up; Jasper took the hint and dipped his head to kiss me. I don't think I'll ever get over how amazing it feels to be in love with him or the feeling of his lips against mine. As much as part of me only wanted to focus on what was happening between us, I knew that wasn't possible. It was time to send my parents the last email, and to begin the process that would result in the legal death of Bella Swan. We also needed to go to Maine, where everyone else was living, and explain.

"It's time."

Jasper nodded in agreement.

"I'll call and make the travel arrangements, email your parents. It might be best if you let Alice know we're coming. Have her make sure everyone is home, no need to do it more than once."

I knew by everyone, he meant Edward. We were both pretty sure he would try and avoid me at the moment, if given the choice. I reluctantly got up from the bed, after one last sweet kiss from Jasper. I went into my room, changing out of yesterday's clothes, before heading downstairs to Jas' office.

_Hey Mom & Dad,_

_Sorry for the joint email, but I just found out we're headed deeper into the jungle later today and we have lots to do before then. You probably won't hear from me for a while, a month or two at least. I miss you both, but I am so thrilled to be here – I've never been happier in my entire life. If I were to die today, I could truly say that I've done everything I've ever wanted to. Sorry if that sounds horribly morbid… but honestly, I've finally found the place I belong. I couldn't ask for anything else. My bucket list has been fulfilled (Dad, seriously, watch the movie)! I love you both more than you can ever know. Take care of yourselves._

Bella

Even though I couldn't tell them the place I belonged was actually with a vampire who'd seen over half of our country's history, I could still share the sentiment. I knew they would grieve, but I wanted to minimize that grief. One paragraph seemed inadequate for all I wished I could say to my parents, but it would have to do.

I thought about how to answer Alice. I didn't want to be too misleading, but there was so much I couldn't say yet. A lot she deserved to hear in person.

_Alice,_

_I'll do you one better than a phone call. I'm going to be out there to visit in a few days. I promise, I'll let you take me shopping to make up for the lack of communication. Jasper is going to come with me. Please keep it a surprise, Pixie. We both want to see the whole family (including Edward). Jasper said he'll call you with our flight details and perhaps, you'd like to pick us up at the airport. That way, we can spend some time with just you first._

_I'm sorry I haven't really spoken to you about Edward… I know you know the feeling, and I promise, we will talk. I love you so much Alice, you are my best friend, my sister. I can't wait to see you!_

_Bella_

"I emailed Alice. I told her you'd call with flight info. I asked her to pick us up from the airport."

Jasper answered from the living room, he had just hung up with the airline. We were leaving tomorrow morning, arriving in Maine in the evening. It was going to be cloudy here tomorrow, but sunny in Maine.

"Good idea, Alice will appreciate knowing first. I think she'll be happy as well; she always wanted the indestructible version of Bella Barbie. Not that I don't think the two of us aren't in for a good tongue lashing, but not much can be done to avoid that. At least, she'll be a voice in our corner once she's done. I'll call her after I pack."

I rolled my eyes at his Bella Barbie comment. Truthfully, I didn't mind it as much anymore. I even occasionally enjoyed it. Of course, my tastes had changed slightly as I grew older, probably due to Alice's influence and skill at picking out clothes for me that I actually liked. I was pretty much in love with a few brands and I stuck with those when I shopped for myself. Alice would send me clothes from other brands.

I headed upstairs to pack. Jasper was in his room, doing the same. He called me in when I passed. He kissed me and sent me on my way, grinning. He finished while I was folding jeans pulled from the mess of clothes I had amassed on my bed into my bag, coming into my room. He had his cell phone out.

"I'm gonna call Alice now," he announced as he sprawled on my chaise lounge.

I nodded as I folded the last pair of jeans. I picked out a few tops from the mess on my bed and headed back into the closet to exchange them for different shirts. I heard Alice pick up.

"Jasper! How'd you convince Bella to come? Oh never mind, when will you be here? It's so frustrating I can't see either of you."

Jasper laughed, winking at me as I came back into the bedroom.

"We'll be there tomorrow night, our flight gets in at 9:38."

"Excellent, I can't wait to surprise everyone. Everyone's out right now, hunting."

"We'll see you tomorrow, Alice."

He ended the call. I finished packing my suitcase.

"She sounded very exuberant."

"You know Alice."

I grinned, I sure did. Jasper continued lounging as I laid out my outfit for the next day: a grey bohemian cami from free people, black Revielle jacket from anthropologie and my favorite dark wash citizens of humanity skinny jeans. I went into the bathroom and grabbed simple pearl earrings (a gift from my mother), a few long necklaces and a chunky ring. I'd wear my cowboy boots. I set the entire ensemble out on my bed, thought for a moment and added a light blue scarf and my Chanel shades. I went back into the closet and got out the absolutely ridiculously expensive bag that Alice had ordered me for my birthday last year. It was a custom Hermes Birkin in soft grey. As much as I had hated to admit it to her at the time, I absolutely loved the bag, even if it had cost as much as a small car. I packed my new passport in it, along with my very worn copy of Pride & Prejudice, and my wallet.

"You men don't know how lucky you have it."

Jasper laughed and stood, coming to stand next to me. He slung an arm across my shoulders.

"I think you're beautiful, no matter what you're wearing."

He was quiet for a moment.

"I never really enjoyed watching Alice choose outfits…"

I wrapped my arm around his waist, pulling him closer. I was surprised that I didn't mind his comparison – but I didn't. We both would always love Alice and Edward, but what we had shared with them was so radically different than what we shared with each other that it wasn't threatened by our pasts.

"I never really enjoyed it as much as I do now. With Edward, he just expected me to do it. He hated it when I 'dressed down' so I never enjoyed putting together an outfit. Now, I'm just doing it for myself, because I want to look good – for me. It makes a big difference."

We spent the rest of the day, hanging out around the house, cleaning and preparing it for our departure. We locked all my old documents identifying me as Bella Swan in the safe; I wasn't quite ready to part with them yet. We also went out to hunt, having fun running together and boulder jumping on the mountain slopes. It felt like a celebration of our time in Eden.

-

We left for the airport around 4:30 in the morning; it was just over 300km away in Alberta. It would be a long day of flying, 2 connections, one in Edmonton and another in Chicago. We made it to the airport an hour before our flight was scheduled to leave. The ticket agent barely glanced at my passport, but did ask me for my number. Jasper mouthed _I told you so_ before glaring at the ticket agent. I elbowed him, warning him to be nice. He just laughed.

The first flight was uneventful; Jasper and I pretended to sleep to avoid conversation with an overeager flight attendant. In reality, he was telling me stories about adventures in hunting with Emmett. His mouth hidden against my neck, he spoke so softly, I loved the feel of his breath on my neck. I had to concentrate not to laugh out loud several times. When we shifted positions in our 'sleep' I told him about my first dressage lesson. I had been convinced I was going to fall off the horse. I hadn't even told Edward what I was doing; I had known he would freak out. To my utter surprise, I had taken to it like a natural. I described in as much detail as I could remember, the exact expression on Edward's face when I finally told him, almost a year later. All that time, he had thought I went to the farm for something to do with an agriculture class. He hadn't believed me, so I had invited him to a lesson. He thought it was an elaborate joke, up until the point I mounted up and put my horse through a series of flying lead changes.

We didn't have long to wait in Edmonton. Our flight was already boarding when we exited the first plane. This time, the first class attendant was a delightfully sassy old woman. We spent the flight listening to her entertain us with stories of her youth. She had been hired back when they were appearance requirements for stewardesses and had been involved in the discrimination lawsuits that challenged those standards. Even in her old age she was stunning. Her name was Ellen. This was her last year before retirement.

We had a longer layover in Chicago, where we had to go through passport control and switch terminals. We still had time to spare after going through customs, so we waited in the airline lounge. Jasper seemed pensive.

"What is it?"

He looked at me thoughtfully.

"Ellen… Are you sad that you'll never be like her?"

He had never asked me before, if I regretted the decision I had made. I thought about it for a moment. The whole time we spoke with her, I was fascinated by her life's story – all the she had been involved in, all the change she had helped bring about. But was I jealous of her? Envious? Did I want that?

"Not at all, I'm exactly where I want to be. No regrets."

Jasper smile outshone the sun. He leaned over the table we were seated at and kissed me. I felt enveloped by his love for me. Our flight was called and we boarded. Jasper leaned over to speak to me, speaking to quickly for any human to catch.

"Normally, I hate flying. I find it a strain to fight my thirst with the recycled air. I don't think that it's your emotions that are helping me. You must be able to project your shield. I mean, I can smell them all, they smell delectable, but I just don't have the desire to go after them. It's not quite how you described it – but I'm very grateful, thank you."

I kissed him on the cheek and fastened my seatbelt.

"I'm glad. I'd hate to see you in pain… or looking constipated like you used to in high school."

"Hey!"

"I'm sorry, Jas, but you know it's true."

He pursed his lips, "Maybe."

I grinned and turned to look out the window. It was sunny in Chicago, but the terminal blocked any rays from coming into the plane. I slid down the window cover anyway, just in case. The flight was not too bad. I did start to get anxious several times, but each time, Jasper would stroke the back of my hand, radiating calm. It seemed like the flight was over in about half the time it should have taken. We waited to disembark until everyone else had.

Alice was meeting us at the baggage claim. I stopped in the bathroom to check my appearance, even though Jasper had assured me I looked fine, being a vampire and all. Still, it was a human habit I found difficult to shake. He was right; I did look fine, better than fine even. My eyes still the warm honey they had been this morning. I was so grateful they had faded much faster than we thought they would have. I had tried on contacts in the first few weeks and they were pretty damn annoying. I ran my fingers through my hair, and went back out to meet Jasper. He placed his hand on the small of my back as we made our way to the baggage area.

I saw Alice, before she saw me. She was practically bouncing in excitement as she scanned the crowd. She saw Jasper first, her face breaking out in a grin – which was immediately followed by shock when she saw me. She went completely still – something I'd never seen her do. We made our way over to her as quickly as possible as she stood there with her mouth half open.

"Alice?"

Jasper said her name tentatively; Alice blinked quickly a couple times before reaching out a hand lightning face and smacking his arm. Luckily the volume level in the airport drowned out the loud noise it made.

"Adjusting to her new circumstances in life! You… you…"

Alice couldn't seem to think of an appropriate term for what she thought of Jasper. She turned to face me.

"And you! No wonder you've been killing my vision! You and your stupid superpowers. I'm so mad at you!"

She then caught me up in a huge hug. She clung to me tightly. I hugged her back just as enthusiastically.

"You're beautiful, and your eyes! They're light already. And you're surrounded by people! Ooooh, I can't wait to take you shopping and you so owe me, big, big, big time! You too, Jasper, you're going to be funding our little adventure."

She looked back to Jasper, who smiled, releasing me and giving him a hug as well.

"You two are going to be in T-R-O-U-B-L-E! I can't believe you went behind our backs… Well, I can understand why with Mopey McMoperson around the house… but still. Oh my goodness."

She stepped back and surveyed my outfit.

"Very nice, Bella, and you have your bag! I was afraid you'd never use it! Now, where's your luggage?"

Alice headed toward the baggage claim for our flight. Since, she was the one who had purchased our luggage, she knew what to look for. Jasper and I exchanged a glance before we followed her. He was right; the pixie was in our corner and with less outburst than we expected. We collected all of our bags, we'd only brought one large suitcase each and I'd packed an additional medium sized bag. Jasper and I carried our large suitcases, Alice my medium one. She'd driven Carlisle's Mercedes so we'd have room in the trunk. Jasper took my suitcase from me, our fingers brushing. I felt that familiar warmness of our emotions synching and surrounding us. Alice handed my other suitcase to Jasper after he put the large ones in. She looked at us oddly.

Jasper opened the front passenger door for me before sliding into the back. Alice got into the driver's seat. She fiddled with the radio for a minute.

"I like to leave it on pop. You know how Carlisle loves that."

We all laughed, Carlisle was _not _a fan of pop music.

"So, what's going on between you two? Pretty interesting emotions you were projecting back there, Jasper."

Well, Alice was nothing if not direct.

"We're just beginning to find out ourselves, Ali."

Alice looked at Jasper in the rearview mirror and smiled.

"I used to have visions of you, a long time ago, with a brunette, in a cabin surrounded by mountains. Her features were always incredibly indistinct though."

Alice reached over and took my hand.

"You couldn't have picked a better man, and I couldn't have chosen a better woman for him."

I would have cried if I could. Her blessing meant the world to me. When Alice and Jasper had divorced, it was hard on everyone. Even me, though, I had known the reasons. When Alice and Jasper first got together, they did it even though they knew if they got together they wouldn't always be in love with each other, that they would eventually grow apart and find their mates, but, because it was love, and it was worth it, they had faced the eventual heartbreak head on. Alice had told me that the visions of their break up had always been her most certain; they had never changed, no matter what she tried. So she had told Jasper about it and they made the decision to go forward with their relationship together. I knew how deeply she loved him, even if she wasn't in love with him.

"Thank you, Alice."

My words were heavy with the sentiments I couldn't vocalize. Jasper filled the car with his love for the both of us.

"However, if that Love Potion No. 9 leaks out every time you two touch, you better be careful about it if you don't want the family knowing yet."

I laughed; I had really missed Alice. I was so glad to have her back.

"Thanks for the heads up, Pix. I at least want to be able to talk to Edward first before the whole family finds out. I'm pretty sure my 'new circumstances in life' are going to be enough of a shock as it is."

-

The Cullen House in Maine was located just outside of Cape Elizabeth on 52 acres along the Atlantic Ocean. It was a beautiful estate, made of stone and modeled after a 14th century English country manor. It had seven bedrooms between three wings and had been beautifully remodeled by Esme. There was even a reflecting pond. Personally, I was in love with the enormous window seat in the front parlor. Edward and I had shared a room here. However, Alice informed me that Esme had turned the blue room in the east wing into my room after I had broken up with Edward. It was on the opposite end of the house, and had always been one of my favorite rooms. All the suites were in the west wing of the house and all the guestrooms in the east. Jasper and Alice had already been divorced and living separately from the family when the house was purchased so he had told her not to fix a room for him, although she did anyway, in the east wing.

"Is everyone home?"

Alice answered my question as she turned down the driveway.

"I told them all I was bringing home a surprise and as they had all just hunted, there were no excuses for not attending."

"So," began Jasper, "everyone thinks you've ordered new clothing for the family and that everyone needs a lesson on the proper way to wear the new season's styles."

Alice grinned and nodded as she pulled up in front of the house. Emmett bounded out, probably sent by Rosalie to help with what she assumed were bags upon bags of clothing. He didn't even bother to look into the car, just stopped at the trunk. Alice grinned at us and popped the trunk. She stepped out, Jasper and I waited a moment.

"Suitcases?"

Emmett sounded confused. Jasper and I got out of the car.

"Do you mind getting those for me, Emmett?"

Wow, I was really getting a kick out of shocking my family.

"HOLY SHIT!"

Ouch, that was loud.

"HOLY FUCKING SHIT! SHIT!"

I couldn't help but laugh, Emmett grabbed me and hugged me hard. Good thing I wasn't human anymore or I wouldn't have been able to breathe. Of course, Emmett's loud mouth had gotten everyone's attention and by the time he sat me down, everyone was outside.

"Shit."

Emmett clearly had an extensive vocabulary. He moved out of the way, he had been blocking everyone's view of who was the cause of the commotion. I wasn't prepared for the reaction. Four shocked gasps, followed by profanity from both Edward and Rosalie and a hug from both Carlisle and Esme.

"Hi."

It was lame, but it was the best I could come up with. I desperately wanted to take Jaspers hand as he stood next to me, but I was mindful of what Alice had said. He must have picked up on my feelings though because he moved closer, almost touching me. It was starting feel a little tense, no one quite sure what to say. For everyone but Alice of course, she danced around, happy as a songbird in May.

"Isn't this just the greatest? Bella can play baseball now!"

This broke the tension and we all laughed. Emmett called dibs on me, earning a smack from a (thankfully) smiling Rosalie. She actually appeared happy; I had been kind of worried about her reaction. Carlisle cleared his throat. I did my best not to awkwardly ignore Edward, who hung slightly back from everyone, looking a bit like a lost puppy.

"So, I'm assuming you changed her, Jasper?"

Jasper nodded, Carlisle continued speaking.

"How long ago?"

"Just a little over three months."

"Remarkable. Bella, your eyes are already gold. How about your thirst? You obviously can be around humans if you flew here."

Ha, I was so glad I couldn't blush anymore, because this conversation would have definitely made me do that.

"It's not really a problem at all. When I'm thirsty, it itches; it's never been a burn. Jasper and I assume it has something to do with my power… but we haven't really experimented much. I can apparently also project some. Jasper says his thirst isn't as bad anymore."

Jasper nodded and spoke up.

"She's right. I wasn't bothered at all on the plane today."

"I can't hear his thoughts."

We all looked at Edward. He shrugged.

"Well, let's all get inside and settled. We have a lot to talk about."

Esme shooed us all in the house. Jasper and I took our suitcases into the east wing. As soon as we were out of sight of the family and far enough away his gift would only be felt by us, he took my hand. We could hear the others speaking softly. We didn't speak; we just set our suitcases in our rooms, stealing a few moments with each other before we headed back to joining the family around the dining room table: Official Cullen Family Meeting Place. I decided I was going to have a private talk with Edward as soon as possible. Jasper was right. We couldn't hide our feelings.

-

P.S. Thanks for all the reviews and hits! Ya'll are rockstars!


	9. Chapter 8: Explanations

We entered the dining room. There were two open seats between Carlisle and Emmett. I chose the seat next to Emmett, who raised his fist. I pounded it. Jasper laughed as he sat, spreading the feeling around the room. I rolled my eyes at him. I looked around Emmett, to Rosalie and winked at her. She winked back.

Carlisle cleared his throat, "Clearly, there's been a few changes in the family since the spring."

He paused and Edward took the opportunity to interrupt, he was clearly angry, but more in control than I would have thought possible three months ago.

"Why? Why Bella, after leaving me, would you still want this life?"

I looked at him for a few moments, taking an unnecessarily deep breath.

"The Volturi, Edward. You always sought to protect me, but you never gave me the same right. I know you thought Alice would see them coming and we'd figure it out, but honestly Edward, Alice hasn't been able to see me clearly for several years now. Don't you think that could have interfered with her visions?"

He looked like he wanted to interrupt, but I continued.

"I have no regrets, Edward. I love my new life. I feel like I have gained much more than I ever gave up. I'm sorry that I'm not standing beside you, like you wanted, but you're the one who let me grow up. As an adult, I have the right to make my own decisions. I did what was right by the family."

"That's crap, Bella. It's been four years since Italy, and we've not heard one thing from Volterra. Admit it-"

Rosalie interrupted him before he could say anything he regretted.

"I'm glad she did it."

She spoke quietly; I was surprised.

"Do you know what it did to me, when Bella broke up with you? When you refused for all those years to change her or to allow one of us to… I may have been against her change in the beginning, I wanted her to have all that I couldn't and have craved… But Bella isn't like me, she didn't crave children the way I did. When she left you, Edward, I thought that was the end of it – that I'd have to watch my beloved baby sister grow old and die. All because you were too damn selfish and controlling to give her what she wanted."

I reached across Emmett, grabbing Rosalie's hand, squeezing it.

"I love you, so much. I'm glad you don't have to go through that."

She squeezed my hand before releasing it and smiled at me. She then turned back to glare at Edward. Carlisle took back over.

"What's done is done. Let's not argue over the past. Bella has been a member of this family for years and it's going to stay that way. Not everyone may agree with the decision she made, but she did make in the best interest of the family. She's right, they will eventually check up on us to make sure we kept our word. It's a big relief to know we don't have to worry about that anymore."

Edward glared at Carlisle, interrupting again.

"Best interest, best interest? We now have the wolves to worry about. Jasper broke the treaty, Carlisle."

Honestly, this was getting ridiculous; I spoke up.

"Actually, he didn't."

Edward turned to me, stunned.

"You never bothered to ask me why Jake and I stopped talking did you? I would have thought it was obvious. I knew what life I wanted, but to get it, the treaty would have to be broken. So I went to him for permission. We argued for hours, but he finally agreed to allow one member of the family to change me if it was my choice."

I paused, old feelings of hurt welled up. Jasper inhaled, the wounds were deep, but he took it in, replacing my hurt with peace. I wished he could have just hugged me instead.

"Jake said some terrible things to me that day, he apologized, but it was never the same between us. It seemed best to just let our friendship go. I was tired of fighting for it, when all he did was insult my choices. It's for the best now. Hopefully, he'll be inclined to believe that Bella Swan really did die. Charlie told me he told Jake about Edward and I breaking up."

"Speaking of Bella Swan, how did you manage that? We haven't heard anything from Charlie. I'm sure he would call me. Not like I can see it though, with your plans in the mix, jinxing everything."

I was grateful to Alice for changing the subject, what had happened between Jake and I paralleled almost too closely for comfort the reasons I left Edward.

"Well, that's because I'm not technically dead yet. My parents think I'm doing a research internship in the Amazon."

Emmett cracked up, muttering something about me and humidity.

"Next week, at the latest, you should hear from him. You're right. He would definitely call. Everything has already been set in motion. We just wanted to make sure the whole family knew first. Hate to catch everyone unawares and cause unnecessary grief."

Alice's eyes unfocused for a moment; she was having a vision.

"Tuesday. I can see Charlie pondering which one of us to call. He'll end up calling Carlisle. We're all flying out for the funeral, well, except for Jasper and Bella."

"That's weird."

I made a face. Emmett was going to have a field day with this. As if he was the psychic, he nudged my elbow and grinned.

"Maybe Charlie will let me deliver your eulogy-"

Oh, no, I was going to nip this one in the bud.

"I don't think so, Emmett. Charlie's not dumb, he's heard enough stories about your antics to not trust you further than he can throw you."

Emmett laughed anyway. I'm sure he'd probably try and make up some ridiculous rumor anyway. No one questioned why Jasper wasn't going; obviously, someone had to hang out with the newborn. He'd have to come up with a good excuse though. Charlie knew he was one of my best friends. He also knew he didn't live with the Cullen's anymore. Charlie would probably call Jasper as well, but Alice couldn't see that. Oh well, we'd cross that bridge when we came to it. Emmett's voice intruded on my thoughts.

"So what's up with Bella's power? Edward said he can't hear Jasper now either. Can you do it to me?"

I shrugged, I really had no idea how I shielded Jas. Jasper looked at me, then over at Edward, the back to me.

"Try and think about shielding Emmett, Bells."

I nodded, biting my lip in concentration. I thought about keeping Edward out of not just Emmett's thoughts but also everyone else's as well. I felt something odd, almost a strain. Edward looked at me in disbelief.

"It's quiet."

I smiled, though I could tell I wouldn't be able to keep this up forever. It took conscious effort, unlike with Jasper. I held it while everyone tried thinking at Edward, but nothing got through. Emmett had a devilish look on his face; I'm sure he was thinking about Rose. I dropped the shield.

"Emmett."

Edward sounded disgusted; he was so puritan. Even though we had been together for so long, we had never actually had sex. We had gotten close, but then Edward would always freak out. It had greatly annoyed me. Not that it was all about sex, it's not like there was anyone else I wanted to sleep with, but it had me feel like I just wasn't good enough for him. In a way, I was glad. I was happy to be able to give myself completely only to Jasper. Still, I hated the way I had let Edward rule my self worth. It was ridiculous. My train of thought was interrupted by a barely audible rumble of a growl from Jasper, shit, my emotions, I immediately turned my thoughts to something more pleasant: sunrises with Jasper. The growling stopped, but not before he'd gotten a few strange looks from the family. Jasper ignored them.

"Extraordinary, Bella. You're always full of surprises for this family. Now, I'm sure you and Jasper would like the chance to hunt, it's been a long day for us all."

I nodded; I did want to hunt, though I didn't have to. First, I wanted to talk to Edward.

"Jas, go on with out me, I want to talk to Edward."

Jasper nodded, and asked Alice if she wanted to go along. She readily agreed. The family started to disperse.

"Can we go somewhere more private? That is, if you want to talk."

Edward inclined his head.

"Okay, follow me."

He lead me outside, and a quick run later, we were seated next to each other on the beach. It felt odd, I had shared so much with him, but I felt miles apart from him.

"I am sorry, Edward. I shouldn't have deceived you."

"No, you shouldn't have! I can't believe you, Bella. It's like you're stabbing me in the back and twisting the knife."

It hurt to hear him say these things. I knew it wasn't going to be easy. He was still hurt, and most likely that he was still in love with me.

"Edward, this isn't about you. This was all about me. I didn't make this decision to spite you… but you know what, we've all got to live with the decisions we make. I know you're angry with me. I know I hurt you, but damn it, Edward, grow the fuck up. I hate that you put me in this position; I hate having to be angry. You could have changed me, but you didn't. I'm just not the same person you fell in love with – but that's okay. It just wasn't meant to be between us. The right girl is out there for you, Edward, but you are _never_ going to find her until you learn to be happy with who you are. Real love isn't about completing each other; real love is about finding that person who loves you unconditionally, who gives you the freedom to be who you were meant to be, and that when you're with that person, you both become better people.

"I wasn't a better person with you, Edward, and neither were you. We both deserve more than that. I want that for you, but you need to work on finding out who you really are first, before you go looking for her. I just want you to be happy."

Edward was quiet for a long time.

"What would you know about 'real love' then, Bella? It might be easy for you to just discard me, but-"

"Excuse me? Don't start with that. We both know where that will lead us. I don't hold a grudge against you or anything you've done. I wish you could do the same. I'm sorry, it may seem that I've gotten over you quickly, but in reality, my feelings for you changed a long time ago, I tried to cling to what we had. You never respected me, you never wanted me enough to change me, for my sanity, I had to let you go."

I bit my lip, I had hoped this conversation would have gone better and here I was, about to rub salt in the wound. I could only pray that one day, we would be friends again. I did love Edward and I hated to hurt him.

"I have something else to tell you."

"Oh, great."

"Please just know, truly, I never intended this and I hate to hurt you. It just happened… Edward, I'm in love with Jasper."

He didn't say anything. He looked at me, holding my gaze for a few moments, before standing abruptly. He left the beach at a run. I didn't attempt to follow. He headed back in the direction of the house. I rested my head on my knees. I looked out over the waves, the moon shining brightly overhead. I would have cried if I could. I hadn't been there for more than an hour when Jasper found me. He sat down in the sand next to me, wrapping his arm around me. I leaned into his touch gratefully. This was what I needed. We stayed there without speaking, until the early hours of the morning.


	10. Chapter 9: Conversation

We spent a long time sitting silently, staring up at the beauty of the night sky; so many more stars were visible to me now. It was a definite perk of vampirism. Eventually though, I knew I couldn't avoid talking about it any longer.

"Will he ever get over it?"

Jasper kissed the top of my head and ruffled my hair with his hand.

"Sooner or later, he will. At least he came back to the house instead of haring off somewhere. Alice had seen him coming in upset, so we didn't go far to hunt and were home when he came in. Alice took him off somewhere to talk."

"What did the others say?"

"They were startled by his behavior at first. I explained to them what you had to talk to him about."

I was relieved, glad that Jasper had handled telling Carlisle, Esme, Rose and Emmett. I'd been through an emotional wringer already.

"You okay, Jas?"

"Rose didn't threaten to remove any appendages if that's what you mean. She actually was the only one not surprised. She told me that we were remarkably suited to each other. Emmett was, well, Emmett. Carlisle and Esme didn't say much, they still seem to be trying to absorb all that has happened."

Jasper hugged me tighter for a moment. I closed my eyes, enjoying the feeling of basking in his love for me.

"Thank you for telling everyone else. After the conversation with Edward… it took a lot out of me."

Jasper tugged me up off my feet, interlacing his fingers with mine. He brushed my hair back from my face, tucking it behind my ear. He cradled my cheek with his free hand and placed a sweet kiss on my forehead.

"Do you want to hunt?"

I shook my head.

"Maybe tomorrow."

"You want to go back to the house?"

"I'd really like to talk to Rose, I haven't even gotten a hug from her yet."

We turned and headed back to the house, it was darker out now, the moon had set, but it was still hours away from sunrise. As we approached the house, I could see Emmett and Rosalie in the living room, Rosalie on the couch while Emmett sat on the floor, playing a video game. There was no sign of any of the others. Jasper kissed me before we walked in; I smiled, loving the feeling of our love surrounding me. Rosalie stood slowly as we entered; Emmett paused his game to turn and look at us. His gaze drifted down to our entwined fingers.

"Alice wasn't kidding."

"About?"

"Love Potion No. 9."

"Oh dear, please tell me that's not going to stick."

I looked up at Jasper, he didn't seem very hopeful.

"Crap."

He laughed as I disentangled my fingers from his, and went to hug Rose. I'd really missed her.

-

"So, you and Jasper?"

Rose and I were out in the garden, sitting next to the reflecting pool. It was still dark out. We had been discussing my change; I had begun to wonder if she was ever going to ask me about Jasper.

"Yeah, me and Jasper."

Rose rolled her eyes, annoyed at me being obtuse.

"How'd that happen?"

I sighed, I still wasn't quite sure how it all came together myself, it was just right.

"This is really new, Rose. As in, we shared our first kiss just two days ago."

"Wow. The way he acts around you, I have to admit, I am surprised that there wasn't at least something going on when you were still human. It's like you've been together for years."

I wasn't offended by Rosalie's statement; it was hard to believe just perfectly we fit at times.

"He's been my best friend, my confidante, for some time now. He was the first, no, the only one to notice that my feelings for Edward had changed. He helped me through it. The last year or so – I'm not sure I'd have survived it without his support. He would listen and he made me listen. I did everything I could to salvage my relationship with Edward… but Jasper held me together when I realized that nothing I could do would save it… when I realized that sometimes the fairy tale does end when you grow up."

I paused; Rose reached over and squeezed my hand. I smiled at her, grateful for her willingness to listen to the whole story.

"I made the decision to ask Jasper to change me a few months before I ended things with Edward. He wasn't that surprised. I can remember it so clearly; he just nodded and told me that I'd always belonged in this world. I flew out to meet Jasper in Canada after I spent a few weeks with my parents. He changed me the day after we arrived at his cabin. Since the day I woke up, Jasper and I have just been growing so close. We watch the sun rise together everyday. At some point, I realized that he was closer than my best friend, but he didn't feel like a brother. Every once in a while I would catch myself looking at him, an odd feeling stirring in my heart, but I didn't examine it too closely.

"When Alice called Jasper and emailed me, we knew it was time. We were pretty sure my control would be good enough to travel; I had scented some hikers while hunting once and I didn't have any problems avoiding draining them. We went into town to test my theory, and we were right, I had no problem resisting the temptation. Unfortunately, I also apparently had no problem dazzling half the population either. Jasper was relentless in teasing me. I ended up tackling him when we got back home. Not that he cared, he was laughing too damn hard."

I smiled at the memory; Rose laughed at my recollection.

"When he finally got control of himself, we were both sitting in the field outside the cabin. I was pouting, so he took me by the chin. He told me that I was gorgeous and a vampire and that I should get used to dazzling people. He leaned over and placed a gentle kiss on my lips, neither of us were prepared for what happened with that simple touch. It was like the world as we knew had ceased to exist and we had created a new world, where only Jasper and I existed. I felt depths of love I didn't know I was capable of. It was exhilarating, refreshing… it was home. We spent all night just talking, almost afraid to let each other go, it was perfect. Then we came here."

Rose didn't immediately respond. We sat there, staring into the water for some time until she finally spoke.

"You really weren't kidding when you said it was new. It must be hard, I can't imagine having to deal with all this family bullshit when all you really want to do is drag Jasper off somewhere and have your wicked way with him."

Good ole Rose, she always had a gift for shifting through the muck and getting to the heart of things, however bluntly it may come out. We both laughed.

"No kidding, but, at least when I do get him alone again, I won't have to worry about any interruptions."

We stayed out until the sky began to lighten, catching up on things, just enjoying each other's company really. Jasper and Emmett eventually wondered out to where we were. Emmett plopped down next to Rosalie and Jasper offered me his hand.

"Wanna go watch the sunrise, darlin'?"

I winked at Rose and took Jasper's hand. As always, I was overcome with his feelings of love for me. I heard Emmett whisper something about love potion under his breath and shot him a withering look. He, of course, just laughed it off. I allowed Jasper to pull me to my feet.

"Of course, love. See you guys later."

-

_I'm doing it! Another author's note, ack! However, I couldn't not say __**thank you**__ to all my wonderful reviewers. I also want to rec ineedcoffee's fic to you! Basically, it's awesome. Use your search function up top and go r/r it!_


	11. Chapter 10: The state of the matter

Watching the sun rise over the water had been spectacular, and I hadn't wanted to leave the perfect moment Jasper and I had created together. However, there were still unresolved issues with the family and issues had a way of getting worse out unless you put some effort into resolving them. Still, I hadn't hunted yet, so we did delay our return so that we could. I found the wildlife very similar to that in Canada and we both satisfied ourselves with moose.

Everyone was home as we approached the house. According to Jasper, the emotional climate was a mix. There were feelings of happiness, hope and joy, but also anger and sadness, underscoring it all was tension. We slowed to a walk as we approached the steps; Jasper took my hand. We climbed the stairs and entered the house together. Alice and Esme were the only ones in the living room.

"You're back!"

Alice sounded delighted. I think, that even though she complained about my interference with her visions, she actually enjoyed having the burden of them lifted. She had always said the family relied too much on them. She also loved surprises and she was finally getting them. She practically danced over to us and wrapped her arms around us both.

"Carlisle wants to talk to you two, when you have a minute."

Esme set down the plans she had been looking at and looked at us as she spoke from across the room. She smiled as she glanced down at our entwined hands. I felt a sudden surge of happiness. Jasper was projecting – not his own emotions, but what he felt from Esme. I squeezed his hand in appreciation and felt his love for me in response. I then felt mischievous glee. I didn't have to guess about that, Alice and her stupid nicknames. Jasper must be unintentionally sharing our love again. He had confided in me that he had no control over the 'love potion' effect.

"We will."

Jasper answered for us both as I turned toward Alice, speaking quickly and slowly enough that only she and Jasper could hear. I also projected my shield over Alice, she was good at blocking Edward, but you could never be sure.

"How is he? How did he take it?"

Alice looked at me carefully; I wondered if she was weighing how much of the truth to actually tell me. I arched an eyebrow at her and she sighed.

"Not good, not good at all. I don't think he's going to run off to Volterra or anything, but, yeah, not good. His future's changed as well – even just yesterday I saw him happy, but now, I just keep getting flashes of him alone. Of course, that could change, it could just be a reflection of his current mood, but still… Edward is very angry right now."

Alice looked to Jasper, "He's especially angry at you, Jasper. I wouldn't be surprised if he came after you, just don't be too hard on him, please."

"Angry at Jasper! That's ridiculous. I'm the one who broke it off with him. What? Does he think Jasper lured me away or some such bullshit?"

I struggled to keep my voice low; Edward really had a gift for ticking me off. I could feel the anger and hurt start to overwhelm me but before they could, Jasper released a wave of calm that settled over me.

"I know, Bella, I know… but you know as well as I do that Edward's never had to grow up. He's never really been held accountable to anyone and he's incredibly emotional. It's not an excuse, but he's not thinking rationally."

Alice looked torn, I was her best friend and Edward was her brother. A part of me did feel sorry, but it was quite small in comparison to the part of me that was tired of dealing with all of Edward's crap.

"I don't care, I'm tired of giving him excuses not to grow up. He's over a century old, it's about time that he learns how to act like a mature adult. You can do whatever you like, but I'm not handling him with kid gloves."

Jasper released my hand to drape his arm around my shoulders, pulling me close. He reached out and laid a hand on Alice's shoulder.

"Both of you are right. Edward needs to grow up, but we can't push him so hard that he leaves the family. Alice, I know this is hard on you. Edward probably sees you supporting us as a betrayal – let me guess – he thinks that you, of all people, should understand his point of view and be on his side, right?"

Alice nodded.

"Bella, hon, I know it's hard, and I know what Edward did to you – _I know_. He can't do that anymore, you wouldn't allow it and frankly, neither would I."

I had been looking down, but at his last words, my eyes snapped to his, searching. He was completely serious; I could see it in his gaze. This man would never let anything happen to me, to his mate. I suddenly was reminded of Jasper training the Cullen's before the fight with Victoria, a military man, at home on the battlefield, willing to do anything to protect those under his command. I was suddenly overcome by my love for him. His face softened, the corners of his mouth turning slightly up.

"I'm not asking that you handle Edward with kid gloves, just be yourself, Bella. Make sure he takes responsibility for his actions and you for yours."

I nodded, smiling back at Jasper.

"Uggh, you guys, with the love potion."

Alice screwed up her nose, teasing us, moving back to the couch, breaking up our little conversation. We started to head back to the East Wing, but Esme stopped us as we passed her.

"I'm so glad you two are here."

She looked between the two of us and then laid her hand on Jasper's forearm. Even though I couldn't feel her emotions, I could tell that whatever they were, they were having a profound effect on Jasper.

"Thank you."

Two simple words, but they meant the world to Jasper. He wrapped his arms around Esme. I smiled, despite the fact that Jasper was over half a century older than Esme, he still viewed he as a motherly figure. I thought it would be good for the two of them to have some time together.

"Alice, I smell like a moose. Wanna come hang out with me while I clean up? You can help me choose an outfit."

Alice bounced; she was always ecstatic when I allowed her free reign with my attire.

"Of course! Let's go see what you brought… and I got you some things from Paris when I was there last month."

She continued chattering as we headed towards my room. I glanced back over my shoulder, smiling at Jasper as he and Esme took a seat on the couch.

-

A/N (they're becoming habit, oh no!): Thank you to ineedcoffee for her rec, big warm fuzzies right there, also, big big thanks to my reviewers. As always, you can find me on twitter (diphataphata) and in case you haven't seen it in the story summary, none of this is mine except the plot.


	12. Chapter 11: Fashion Smashion

Alice and I were sprawled on my bed. True to my word, I had allowed her to help me choose an outfit (i.e. she took over and I ended up wearing clothes she had purchased for me in Paris) and was now dressed. Apparently, the mini was in, so Alice had me in a denim mini skirt, knee high boots and a short silk tunic over a cami; she'd also gotten me lots of new lingerie. I'm pretty sure that if I was still human, my clumsy would have made an appearance and the entire family would see my Le Perla. Thank God for small miracles.

"Thank you, Alice."

She looked up from the fashion magazine we were perusing through together.

"For what?"

"Your acceptance… It's been hard, not to have you to talk through this with. Then, I show up not only with your ex-husband, but as a vampire mated to your ex-husband. Yet, you are genuinely happy for us. I love you so much, Pix; you're the very best sister and friend I could have asked for."

Alice grinned and wrapped her arms around me. We giggled together like schoolgirls.

"I couldn't do anything but, Bells. I love you and I could never begrudge you happiness."

She tapped the side of her head and winked.

"Besides, I know things. Jasper was never the _one_ for me, as much as I loved him. I've seen my mate; this time, I'll never have to let him go. If not for Jasper, I never would have appreciated just how precious that is."

-

Jasper eventually wondered back to my room, Alice and I had been discussing a possible trip to Fashion Week in New York. She had wanted to go to Milan, but that was just a few weeks away and I wanted to spend some time with Jasper after we settled the family issues.

"Hey love."

Jasper sat next to me on the bed, his hand resting on the small of my back. Something in his voice made me look up at him. He looked upset, not at all what I expected after leaving him with Esme. The front of the house was far enough away that we could easily tune out conversations we didn't want to listen to. I sat up and took his hand. Alice sat up as well, gathering the fashion magazines into a neat pile and setting them on the nightstand.

"What is it?"

I glanced over at Alice, but her eyes were glazed, another vision.

"Edward. Esme and I had gone out into the west gardens to talk and after she went back in, I stayed out for a few moments. I was about to head back in when Edward came out. I've never felt such anger from him before. He was volatile as a newborn. He didn't even say anything to me, he just lunged at me, I barely had time to react. I was able to get him under control and pin him to the ground without either of us hurting each other but when I let him up he just stalked off without saying a word."

I was angry, very angry. Edward had no right to take his aggression out on Jasper. I was about to respond when Alice interrupted me.

"The Volturi are coming here. Of course, I can't see anything that happens, just that they've decided to come here."

She paused, her eyes glazing over as she searched the future. Jasper and I glanced at each other; I'm sure his look of concern was mirrored on my face.

"I think it's soon – while we're away at Bella's funeral. I think it's going to be okay, I can see Charlie deciding to call Jasper afterwards and I can see us leaving. No one seems upset."

She growled in frustration before continuing again.

"I just can't see anything that happens here."

Jasper stroked the back of my hand, I knew he felt my anxiety and I smiled slightly when I felt the now familiar 'love potion' sensation. It didn't seem quite as overwhelming as before; perhaps, I was becoming used to the idea of being mated to him. I turned my attention to Alice. Her smirk was enough of an indication that no matter how I felt it, she still did too. I shrugged and she smiled.

"I imagine it's very much like how you described what a warm cup of tea and the local did to you when you were feeling stressed out in college, Bella. I don't feel like I'm in love with either of you – I just feel inexplicably happy. It's a pretty good feeling."

I nodded, though a warm cuppa was no longer possible for me, I still listened to the local. No matter what my mood, their music always put a smile on my face. In all honestly, I could use a listen right now. However, before I could get too distracted by these thoughts, Jasper turned the focus back to the Volturi.

"I would assume that they're coming here to check up on Bella. I don't trust them, but it seems like they're not going to cause any trouble. Did you see who they're sending?"

"Demetri and another guard. I don't recognize him. I don't see anyone else, but as soon as they knock on the door, the future disappears."

"Can you see their future, say, a week later?"

"Good idea, let me check."

A thought occurred to me as Alice was scanning the future; I was certain that the Volturi were unaware that Edward and I were no longer together. I wondered if they knew about Jasper and Alice – it was something they hadn't really discussed outside of the family. I'm not sure why, but I somehow felt it was important they the Volturi not know about my relationship with Jasper or lack thereof with Edward.

"Jasper?"

Jasper had been focused on Alice; he turned his attention back to me. I tilted my head up slightly, meeting his gaze.

"Just how much do the Volturi know about our family – do they know that you and Alice have divorced?"

Alice opened her eyes just as I finished asking; to my surprise, she answered my question first.

"I am confidant they don't. The Denali family knows, but I asked them to keep it quiet."

Jasper raised his eyebrows at this.

"You did? Why?"

"I'm not sure actually, I just felt I needed to."

"Strange."

Both of them turned to me; they had, of course, caught the word I murmured under my breath.

"It's just – as odd as this sounds – I feel it's important that the Volturi do not find out about my relationship with Jasper. Not that I think we should lie – but perhaps some slight misdirection. Tell as much of the truth as possible – you are all gone to my funeral, Jasper is here with me as he has the most experience with newborns… be as non-specific as possible with the date of my change. I think they will make all the right assumptions on their own. I just can't help but think they're up to something. I'm not sure why I feel this way, but I do."

Jasper pulled me closer to him, dropping a kiss on the crown of my head. Alice looked pensive.

"Interesting – their futures look fine for the moment; I see them returning to Volturi. Of course, just don't touch in front of them. That'd take some explaining."

"I think we can manage, Ali."

Jasper grinned at me before continuing.

"We really should go talk to Carlisle now, first Edward, now the Volturi. He should have some insights as well."

In the light of the Volturi's impending visit, I had pushed my anger at Edward to the back of my mind. Jasper's mention of him brought it back. I wanted to say something, but I wasn't sure what, I'm sure it wouldn't have been polite. However, Alice stood up to leave before I could utter a word. She said Carlisle was in his office but that she had to take care of a few things and would join us shortly. She left the room before Jasper or I could respond.

Jasper stood from the bed and offered his hand to me; I slipped my fingers through his. I took advantage of the moment alone with Jasper to wrap my arms around him, losing myself in his love for me without having to deal with any love potion comments. He tucked a lock of my hair behind my ear before lowering his head and capturing my lips with his own.

-

_Author's Note (I admit, they're habit now, I just love saying hi to ya'll): Vegas prezzie! I wasn't planning on even working on this until this weekend, but I got inspired (or I drank too much, one or the other) and here you go! Thank you again to all my wonderful reviewers. Also, thank you very much to all of those who've subscribed to alerts or added me (or the story) to your favorites! You chase away the mean reds for another day. As always, you can find me on twitter (diphataphata) and I own nothing but the plot. Robala sentle, gentle readers._


	13. Chapter 12: Resolutions

I was looking for Edward. Jasper, Alice and I had just finished speaking with Carlisle. I knew they thought it best that I give Edward time to cool off, but I disagreed. One thing that I respected enormously about Jasper was that he always let me make my own decisions, even if he disagreed. I had passed Emmett on my way out of the house; he told me that Edward had gone hunting. I followed his scent out the door and into the woods that ran along the coast.

I followed the trail for about two hours, running at a moderate pace, before I finally found him. He was sitting on a rock in a clearing, looking morose as hell. I don't really have a good explanation for what I did next but something inside of me snapped. I ran up to him and grabbed him by his shirt collar, lifting him off the rock.

"I'm fucking tired of your self pity, Edward. What makes you think it was even remotely okay to attack a member of your family?"

I rarely swore, but he just seemed to bring it out in me. At least I managed not to yell, but only just. I released his collar and he slumped back up against the rock. He looked dazed for a moment before standing up and facing me. We were so close to each other I had to lean back to look in his eyes; I refused to back down.

"Excuse me, but I'm not the one who's tearing the family apart."

"Seriously? It seems to me that you're the only one running away."

I practically spat the words at him; he backed off slightly.

"What do you expect, Bella? You broke my heart and then you show up, changed and mated with my brother – your best friend's ex-husband. It just wasn't enough to break my heart was it? You just had to go and stomp on it too."

I couldn't believe it. He actually bought into the oh woe is me crap. That was it, the last straw. All those years, I tried to be so careful of him and his _feelings_, well, I was done with that. He wanted to know everything, so be it. Let the chips fall where they may.

"What did I expect? What did I _fucking_ expect? I expected you to love me unconditionally, I expected you to always stay by my side, I expected you to want to keep me forever, I expected you to keep your goddamn promises. Instead, you broke every fucking one. You always put conditions on your love, you fucking left me in the woods _alone_, you promised me forever with a ring but refused to change me. You fucking let me grow up! Do you even have the slightest fucking idea how hard that was on me, Edward? Do you? Do you know what it did to me – to my self esteem – when you refused to change me – how it made me feel like I wasn't good enough, that I wasn't worthy of your love? It was so hard to get over that, Edward, so fucking hard… every time I tried to talk about it you just brushed aside my concerns like they meant nothing. I was dying of loneliness and I desperately needed you to come through for me and you didn't. My heart shattered, Edward, fucking shattered when I realized that I was falling out of love with you and it was your fault and that there wasn't a goddamned thing I could do about it… and you never even noticed. I did everything I could to try and stop it, but it was hopeless."

I felt all those old feeling start to overwhelm me for a moment before I was able to shake them off; I was stronger than anything Edward had ever done to me. I chose my next words carefully. I was angry, so very angry with Edward, but I still loved him. However, he had asked for it and I was determined to give him nothing less than the truth. Perhaps it would force him to do what nothing else had been able to thus far – grow up.

"The only person I wasn't ale to hide my feelings from was Jasper. At first I was angry at this too. I was working through it on my own, and I needed to… and even though I kept expecting him to ask me about it, he never did. It meant the world to me. So when I was finally ready to talk, I turned to him. He understood so well. Still, it took me a year to finally admit to myself that I was truly no longer in love with you and leave."

Edward had sat back down to his spot on the rock. I remained standing.

"I asked Jasper to change me several months before I left you. He was surprised by my request, but once I explained my reasons, he agreed. I never expected that the whole experience would lead me to my mate. I never expected to fall in love with Jasper. Hell, just last week I had no idea. What I did know was that Jasper had become more than just a best friend and certainly nothing like my brother. He saw me, not just as who I was, but also as who I was meant to be."

I paused and looked Edward straight in the eye.

"I have always been his equal, but I was never yours."

I was half surprised Edward was still listening, but something in his expression had changed. For the first time in almost three years, I felt that he was actually listening to me. I took a chance and sat next to him, laying my hand on his arm. The electricity we used to feel was long gone. He didn't move, so I continued.

"Edward, I'll always be grateful to you and I will always love you. You taught me so much and you helped me become the person I am today. It wasn't all bad – you just weren't, and still aren't really, ready for love. You're not happy with who and what you are and until you come to terms with that you will never be able to give yourself completely to love. Real love is vulnerable, Edward. You have to learn that being vulnerable isn't a weakness. The ability to be vulnerable to another person is a strength. It gives you freedom that you can't even begin to imagine now. I don't blame you for not giving yourself completely to me. I can even understand why you acted the way you did. I'll always treasure the love you did give me – because of you, I understand what real love is and should be. I want that for you. I want you to be strong, Edward. I want you to be ready for when your true mate comes along. I want you to be the man she is going to need you to be. You have to let go of the anger, Edward, it hurts you more than anyone else."

We sat unmoving for a long time. Edward eventually covered my hand with his own. I looked up at him, relieved to see a peaceful expression on his face.

"I'm sorry, Bella. I'm so sorry. I'm not happy. I took it out on you. I'm sorry I acted out of jealously and attacked Jasper."

He made a face; it looked like he was in pain.

"I hate to admit it, but perhaps you're right about it – all of it. I guess it's my turn to grow up."

I threw my arms around him and hugged him tightly. I was so happy. I never expected this conversation to go so easily, but with the Volturi's visit hanging over our heads, it was a welcome reaction. Edward told me he wanted some time alone to process everything so I filled him in on everything else that was going on. He promised that he would return by tomorrow evening. The call from Charlie was supposed to come then and they'd have to leave for Forks on Wednesday. I gave him one last hug before heading back home, as quickly as my legs would take me.

-

Jasper was waiting for me, lounging casually across a chair in the back garden as I approached. I couldn't contain the grin that broke out across my face. He smiled lazily and held out his hand to me. I wasted no time in intertwining our fingers as he pulled me into his lap. He kissed the side of my neck and I felt enveloped by our love. I would never get used to how wonderful it felt.

"You're in a good mood, darlin'."

I nodded and relayed the story. Jasper was as surprised as I was.

"It's so wonderful."

I mused while watching Jasper draw nonsensical patterns on my hipbone with his fingers.

"It is," he agreed, "I'm glad we're not tearing the family apart, especially with the Volturi coming."

We sat quietly, just enjoying each others company until Emmett came looking for us.

"Well if it isn't the _Lurve _Doctors!"

Jasper and I both groaned, Emmett looked ridiculously pleased with himself.

"You've had all day and that's the best you could come up with?"

I laughed at Jasper's remark, looking up at him in time to catch the sly grin he gave Emmett.

"Frankly, I'm disappointed."

Jasper smirked, his tone colored with condescension. Emmett wasted no time in leaping at Jasper. I barely had time to jump free of Jas' lap before he and Emmett were rolling around the garden like a bunch of kids. I straightened my clothes as I looked on indulgently. It was good to see them let loose.

I heard the back door of the house open and I looked over my shoulder. Rosalie rolled her eyes comically as she came to stand next to me.

"No matter how old they get, they never really grow up do they?"

I smiled in response to her comment.

"No, I'm pretty sure they don't."

We watched them wrestle for another minute or two before Rosalie and I decided to see what Esme and Alice were up to. I couldn't wait to tell them about my conversation with Edward and I was definitely due for some bonding time with the other women of my family.

-

_Author's note: Okay loves, hope that satisfied you all in regards to Emoward. I debated on whether or not to just leave the whole chapter as their conversation, but in the end, I think I'm more satisfied with it now. Enjoy the peace and quiet while you can because there's some drama up ahead! Of course, as I'm sure you have all noticed, it may take a few more chapters to really unfold, we'll see how the characters coming up start talking to me as I write. Rest assured though, the story is completely outlined, so I (hopefully) know where it will all end up! Also, I really want to thank those of you who have taken the time to review – you always leave such great comments (especially those who've been there since the beginning – ineedcoffee, mouse555, Cyera, Violet-Madness, LisaF29, Mizz Slytherin etc. and pbandjforever13)!_

_Speaking of great fic, ineedcoffee recently updated Changing Lives (squee!!) which is my favorite fis out there right now. I also just started reading The Orbiting Meteor by IdreamofEddy and although not my preferred pairing, I'm blown away by it. Also, I'm captivated by cullen818's Innocence Lost – she shows Edward to be what I always thought he was – a controlling bastard – and takes it a step further. Gosh, I know there's more but for the life of me, can't think of what else I'm reading right now – but eh, keep an eye out for future author's notes for recs._

_Gah! For someone who disliked the note, this one has taken on epic proportions, so just one two more things. Follow me on twitter (diphataphata) if you care to get to know all about how inane I can be, lol! Also, again **THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU** to all those who review, I can't tell you how much it means to me. _


	14. Chapter 13: Emmett's Attempts

I had decided that it would be too difficult to hear my father's voice, even though I missed it. Alice knew he'd be calling Carlisle soon; however, I had a feeling his first call would actually be to Jasper. Charlie was one of the few who realized just how close that he and I had grown during and after my break up with Edward. I had done my best to be as completely honest with my parents before I entered into this new life. I thought they deserved to know as much of the real me as was possible. I didn't want them to have regrets about my life.

I was sitting on the beach alone. I knew Jasper would join me as soon as he spoke with my father. I had told him that I thought he would get the news first. I watched the waves crash against the shore in the fading light. Even though I had planned it and had known it was coming, it was still surreal to know that my human life was truly over. Bella Swan was dead. I pulled my knees up and rested my chin on them. I tried to clear my head of all the tumultuous thoughts, concentrating on the sounds and scents around me. I let my eyes drift closed and pretended that I could sleep.

I was almost unaware of the passage of time but I recognized Jasper's scent a few moments before I heard his footsteps. I didn't open my eyes until he settled next to me on the beach and I felt his fingertips on my cheek. I opened my eyes and smiled. His position mirrored mine and he was looking at me with eyes full of compassion. I felt his love for me and I covered his hand with my own. It was as if my earlier state of mind was for naught. Here, with Jasper, I was at home.

The corners of his mouth turned up in that slow delicious smile that I loved so much. He leaned over and kissed my forehead.

"I love you, Isabella Swan."

I don't know how he knew the perfect words to say – hearing _my _name on his lips – it soothed my soul. No matter what the world had to be told, to him, I would always be me. I threw my arms around him, practically knocking him over. We both laughed and he wrapped his arms around me.

"Was I right?"

My voice was barely a whisper but Jasper nodded, adjusting our positions until I was facing him.

"He sounded… at peace. He told me about your email and asked when I had last heard from you. I didn't expect the question but something in his voice told me that he had expected that I would have heard from you as well. I told him that the last time I had heard from you that you sounded incredibly happy and satisfied with your life. I told him that I was convinced that you had no regrets."

Jasper paused, brushing my hair out of my eyes.

"I told Charlie I was out of the country doing research for graduate school and that I couldn't make it to the funeral. He told me that he was sure that you wouldn't hold it against me, that you'd be happy I was pursuing my dreams. I wanted so badly to tell him that I knew you were happy, that I could feel it every time I took your hands in mine. I wanted to tell him that I was in love with you. Especially when he told me how you spoke of me when he saw you last… I never knew you told him so much."

Jasper held me tenderly, as if I was breakable. I could feel so much from him right now. His wonder and amazement, his deep and abiding love, his respect and pride in me… He was giving me an emotional high. I was so overwhelmed by his feelings for me that I couldn't speak for several minutes. We sat silently, embracing each other both physically and emotionally until I was able to verbalize my thoughts.

"I've loved you for a long time, Jasper, even if I didn't recognize just how deep and intimate that love was. I wanted my parents to know as much about the real me as I could tell them before I became a vampire… and you were just so important to me, even then, that I couldn't help but tell them how I felt, how I relied on you to help me through the most difficult time in my life. I honestly felt like I could never ever adequately express my gratitude to you for what you did. You helped me find strength I didn't know I had when I was just a scared girl losing her first love. The night before I left to meet you, my last night with Charlie, I told him that I couldn't have done it without you. I told him that you gave me courage to chase after the life I wanted and not the life others wanted for me."

I closed my eyes, the memories of that last poignant conversation with Charlie playing in my mind. What I recalled most beyond the bittersweet knowledge that this was the last time I'd ever speak with my father was the extreme love and gratitude that had flooded my heart when I thought of all that Jasper had done and agreed to do for me. Jasper, responding to my emotions, held me even tighter. I rested my cheek against his.

It was a wonder I hadn't recognized my feelings for Jasper sooner but I thought it was good that I hadn't. I'm not sure I would have been able to handle the overpowering feelings of love right after leaving Edward and right after my change. Edward and I had basically gone from strangers to lovers and this was a huge factor in the problems we had. Jasper and I had been friends for years and in the last several months we'd come to know each other better than anyone had ever known either of us. Our love, like our friendship, was effortless; we didn't have to measure up to expectations, we just could be.

Jasper had his hands in my hair and he tilted my head back. He dipped his head, his lips at the base of my neck, his breath sent shivers down my spine.

"I love you."

I felt it, his love for me, his desire for me and I purred. Jasper's (or mine, I could no longer tell the difference) desire intensified to a level I had never felt before. I wound my fingers through his hair and pulled his face to mine. His lips traced a burning line up my throat until they crashed into mine. I gasped at the intensity and Jasper deepened the kiss. His hands drifted down the curve of my back as he pulled me closer to him. I, for one, couldn't get close enough to him either; my own fingers slipping under the collar of his shirt, craving skin contact. Even though neither of us needed it, we slowly broke the kiss, breathing deeply and resting our foreheads against each other. As much as I wanted to continue down this path, as much as we wanted it, we both knew that other things took precedence at the moment. Needless to say, we were both a bit frustrated.

I sighed, pretty melodramatically and Jasper laughed. It was a rich sound that reverberated through his chest. I couldn't help but join in.

We finally made it back up to the house about an hour later. Alice sat surrounded by several suitcases in the middle of the living room; no one else was in the front part of the house. She appeared to be looking for something.

"What's up Alice?"

I released Jasper's hand to step over the scattered luggage and sat next to Alice.

"Ugh, Bella. Don't ask, now I'll never find it!"

"Okay, I won't ask."

Alice scowled and then her expression brightened.

"Hey, I didn't think that would work… Hmm, one sec."

She immediately grabbed Carlisle's suitcase and unzippered a pocket, digging out small bag.

"Emmett. Thought he was going to get away with this, jeez. He made plans to ask you about it so it was getting in the way of my seeing it."

She opened the bag to show an assortment of whoopee cushions and other childish jokes.

"It's odd though, really odd. As soon as you decided not to ask… although I'm guessing it's more that you decided not to interfere, I could see much clearer. Even a bit of you. I think you have much more control over your gift than any of us has realized. We should look into it when we get – Oh, Bella, stop it, now I can't see anything."

I laughed and she reached over and smacked me on the arm, scowling.

"This isn't funny and regardless of your shield effects, I can still see Carlisle is going to be all over this like white on rice."

I frowned, "You know that expression went out of fashion, oh, about twenty years ago right?"

Alice and I grinned at each other, it was nice being able to slip back into our easy camaraderie; I had missed all my family, but especially my sisters. I was about to ask her when they were leaving Emmett diverted my attention. He was thundering down the steps towards us with Rosalie following behind at a more sedate pace. He stopped next to Jasper and bumped his shoulder.

"Hey! What are you doing with that! I had a foolproof plan!"

His indignation was directed at Alice; Emmett's 'bag of tricks' was still sitting at her feet.

"Obvious puns aside, apparently, you're not as smart as you think you are."

Alice stuck her tongue out at Emmett who reciprocated just as the rest of the family was coming down the stairs.

"I swear, Carlisle, the older they get, the more they regress."

Esme smiled, murmuring a fake aside to Carlisle who put his arm around his wife. Edward stepped off the stairs last and went to stand with his brothers.

"Don't mind Emmett, Esme. He's just annoyed that apparently Alice and Bella have figured out how to outsmart his sneaky, unoriginal plan."

"Jeez, Bella, can't you give us some privacy from Psychic McPsycherson."

"Sorry, Emmett, I can't condone your attempts to ruin my funeral. I'm with Alice and Edward on this."

Emmett pouted and looked to his last resort – his wife.

"No way, babe. I love you, but Bella's right, I can't condone pranks at a funeral."

Emmett's pout deepened as the rest of us laughed. Jasper slung an arm around Emmett's shoulders.

"I still can't believe you thought you'd get away with it. I told you so."

"What?" Alice and I spoke in unison.

Jasper grinned, shrugging his shoulders, "I bet him two grand that he'd never make it out the door with his bag of tricks."

I raised an eyebrow, "Is that so, Jas? What would you have lost if Emmett won?"

Jasper's smile faltered slightly and he dropped his arm from around Emmett's shoulder. I rolled my eyes.

"Keep in mind that I didn't lose," Jasper paused, "but I told him I wouldn't say anything if he succeeded."

I grabbed Emmett's little bag off the floor and lobbed it at Jas' head; he caught it, but only by the zipper, which came undone and all of Emmett's tricks came flying out showering the two of them. There was a moment of silence before we all erupted into laughter. It felt so good to just let go and laugh with my family. This could have been a moment full of tension, yet, thanks to Emmett's attempted prank – it was a memory I would cherish. Jasper, ever attuned to my feelings, leaned over the suitcases and reached for my hands. I let him pull me up and he grasped me by the waist, lifting me over the suitcases and putting me down next to him, tucking my body to his side. Emmett started whistling the tune to Love Potion No. 9 and the laughter began anew.

"We should head out to the airport now, our flight leaves in a few hours."

Carlisle tapped his watch to emphasize his point. Jasper, Emmett and Edward grabbed all the suitcases in what seemed to be some odd game of who can grab the most. They all just ended up looking ridiculous as they attempted to exit the house with overloaded arms. We all started to follow them out, but Alice stopped me with a hand on my arm.

"Demetri and the other guard will be here in two days. Can you try to not interfere? Maybe I can see something."

I hugged her, "I'll do my best, Pixie. Keep an eye on Emmett for me?"

She laughed as she returned my embrace and we went to join the others. The guys had finished loading Emmett's escalade, the only car big enough to fit the six of them and the luggage. I went to stand next to Jasper after exchanging hugs and goodbyes with everyone. I begged the same promise out of everyone; Emmett seemed sorely disappointed I was serious about him pranking my funeral. Jasper pulled me in front of him, wrapping his arms around me as we waved to the family, watching them go down the long drive.

"So, darlin'," Jasper spoke slowly, his Southern drawl pronounced, "two whole days until the Volturi come. Just what are we going to do with ourselves?"

I turned in his embrace, smiling, "Oh, I'm sure we can think of something."

_A/N: Sorry this took so long loves, I've been bogged down by research. Coming up next we have some dramas. As always __**thank you thank you thank you thank you**__ to my reviewers and you can follow me on twitter tiredwriter xoxo_


	15. Chapter 14: Entertaining Guests

My funeral was today. It seemed appropriate, especially considering that I felt like I'd been granted entrance into Heaven – or at least met an angel. I cannot describe adequately with words what it was like to make love to Jasper, what it was like to be loved by him in the most intimate way. How every feeling was magnified so acutely between the two of us that I felt as if I would burst from it all – and I did – I shattered into a million little pieces and yet he made me whole. Indeed, we made each other whole. Even now, as we lay in bed together, both thoroughly satiated and feeling as much languor as one of our kind could, I still felt as close to him as I did when our bodies joined the first time. I hoped the feeling would never fade.

I lay facedown, my head pillowed on Jas' shoulder. He was caressing my back slowly and my own fingers danced a random pattern across his chest, tracing his scars. His hand paused on my back and before I could question him, he had tugged me up, kissing me gently before repositioning me so that we were spooning. I sighed, breathing in deeply, sunshine, molasses and leather, it reminded me of the sweet smell of the barn: hay, horses and summertime. I loved it. We lay there together, neither of us speaking, for several hours. The sun shone in through the windows and warmed our cold skin. It was the bliss of an afternoon nap without the sleep.

As much as I wished it could, the moment wouldn't, couldn't last forever. The Volturi would be here sometime late this evening and there were things to be done before then. Not to mention we'd both need a shower if we hoped to conceal our relationship from the guards. I was about to sit up when my phone rang. I growled slightly. Jasper sat up and tousled my curls.

"Down, tiger. I'll get it, I'm sure it's Alice."

I sighed and enjoyed the sight of Jasper's muscular torso reaching over me to grasp my vibrating phone. He checked the display. It was Alice. He settled back down on the bed, pulling me close as he flipped open the phone.

"Hey Alice."

"Jasper. I wanted to talk to Bella, that's why I called her."

I could hear the pout in her voice and I laughed.

"I'm right here, Alice."

"Oh. Good. Well then, can you please try and stop blocking me. I'm back to only being able to see Demetri knocking on the door."

"Sorry, I'll try not to interfere with your seeing the Volturi visit."

"Thanks," there was a pause, Jasper and I looked at each other; he smiled apologetically, clearly in response to my emotions.

"I still can't see much. I see Jasper watching them drive off. I can't see you at all Bella but I still think it's going to be okay."

Jasper started to speak, but Alice interrupted, "And don't touch!"

"Alright, I get it, no touching… I'll keep my hands and emotions to myself. What time will they actually be here?"

"Their plane lands in three hours, so I'd say you'll see them in five."

"Thanks, Alice. We'll call you after they leave."

I grabbed the phone and hung it up before she had a chance to say anything else; I'm sure she wanted to tell me all about my funeral. I stood up from the bed, looking at Jasper over my shoulder. He looked pretty damn sexy and I was more than half tempted to crawl back into bed. He leaned back against the pillows, and patted the spot next to him, winking. Smug bastard, reading my emotions. I arched my brow and inclined my head toward the shower.

"I like the way you think, Bells."

Jasper got up from the bed and wrapped his arms around me swinging me up into his arms; I grinned wide and allowed him to carry me into the shower. Our laughter and kisses bore witness to the love and joy that surrounded us.

Five hours later found us in the living room, I was on the couch reading a book and Jasper was doing something on his laptop. I was a bit apprehensive, but not so much so that I needed my personal valium. I sat my book aside and listened for a moment. A car was approaching. Jasper looked up and our eyes met. I took a deep breath.

"Just stay where you are, keep reading your book. I'll go out to meet them."

Something about Jasper shifted slightly, a different set of his shoulders, his gait changed as he stood and crossed the room to me. He picked up the book and handed it to me, briefly touching my hand, communicating his love to me, silently, before heading to the door. I had never observed him like this, at least not since I was human and not able to fully comprehend. For the first time, I truly understood why he commanded such respect, and why he was feared. Jasper exuded confidence, control, and he moved with a lethal grace, an awareness that left me speechless. I knew that he would do whatever it took to make me safe. I watched him exit the house and then turned my gaze to the book and my ears to the outside. I heard the sounds of the two vampires exiting their car.

It wasn't long until a voice called out a greeting to Jasper.

"It has been a long time, Jasper. It is good to see you."

The voice seemed familiar, I decided this must be Demetri, whose voice I had heard once before. My suspicions were confirmed by Jasper.

"Demetri, welcome."

"You don't seem surprised by our visit, no doubt your mate would have warned you."

"Alice did mention it, yes."

"Ethan and I have come to check on your newest family member. Tell me, is Bella here?"

"She is, follow me."

Jasper's tone was authoritative – more so than I would have expected him to be. Then again, with his reputation, he could get away with it. I kept my gaze on the book, casually turning a page until the door opened. I waited a moment and then looked up. Demetri and the other guard, Ethan, were dressed differently than I had recalled the Guard as dressing in Italy. I assumed the velvet cloaks were a bit ostentatious for travel among humans. They each wore a smart black suits over black dress shirts, their eyes a vivid red. They each bore several visible scars, but nowhere near the amount that Jasper carried. I sat the book aside and stood, slowly making my way toward the men. They also walked forward; we met in the center of the living room.

"Demetri," I nodded in greeting to him and turned my attention to the other.

"I am Bella."

"Ethan." He inclined his head.

We stood in silence, the four of us knew the purpose of the visit and it became almost a contest, seeing who would break first. Surprisingly, Demetri became visibly agitated for a brief moment and then he spoke up.

"It is a pleasure to see you again, Bella. Our life suites you well."

His tone was polite as he continued, "Aro sends his greetings and an offer to join the Guard; he would enjoy having such powerful shield around."

"As flattered as I am by the offer, I must decline. I am quite content with my life here. Please convey my gratitude to Aro for his offer and my regrets that I am unable to accept."

"Would you care to stay here for the evening? The others are out of town but will be returning tomorrow."

Jasper offered, his words courteous enough but his demeanor made it clear he expected the answer to be no.

"Thank you for your gracious offer, but Ethan and I are expected back."

"Pity. I'll show you out."

Jasper lead the other two to the door, opening it and allowing them to precede him. I went to the door and watched as Jasper walked them to their car. Ethan got in immediately but Jasper and Demetri stared at each other. Demetri offered his hand to Jasper.

"You, of course, are always welcome in the Guard."

Jasper shook Demetri's hand, "I am aware, thank you for the honor, but I too must decline. You'll convey my regrets."

Demetri dropped Jas' hand and nodded.

"I will."

Demetri got into the car, we both stood still as we watched it leave. Not until the sounds of the car had faded well into the night did Jasper turn back to the house. He looked thoughtful. I arched my eyebrow and he walked back up to the stairs, meeting me on the deck. I held my hands out to him; he clasped both firmly and I felt his love, his care for me. However, I also felt his protectiveness of me and something else, something hard to describe – he was still very much the warrior at this moment. I was slightly amazed at how well hidden this aspect of his personality was day to day. Now that I had seen it, I realized just how natural this role was for him, it wasn't something he did or became – it was something he was.

"That was very… odd."

Jasper spoke as we sat together on the porch swing.

"Demetri's emotions were interesting. He was confident at first, almost bored – how I would expect him to be, but almost immediately he began to feel confusion, it was almost overwhelming at one point, and there was also curiosity and obsession and the beginnings of frustration – almost anger – as he left. Ethan, aside from a bit of curiosity and confusion, stayed pretty even emotionally. I don't know much about him, honestly, but his emotions read much like I expected."

"Do you know what caused it?"

"I have a theory."

I nodded and Jasper continued.

"Demetri is a tracker and not just any tracker – the best. He has never been able to track you though, not even before the change. You're a shield, you've managed to block Edward from my thoughts completely, no matter how far or close you are. I have a feeling that you're able to block Demetri from tracking me as well. I'm willing to bet that Demetri figured that it was you blocking him somehow and that's why he is angry. However, I'm also assuming that he thinks it is because of your proximity – physically – to me. This must be why Alice wanted that to keep our divorce hidden from the Volturi, all the more reason for them to assume your shielding ability over me is due to proximity. If they knew you were capable of shielding over a distance – well, nothing good would come from it. I think we need to find out more about your abilities."

I made a face, this was exactly the kind of Bella Barbie I did not enjoy – Experimental Bella Barbie.

"I agree, not that I'm looking forward to it."

Jasper tucked a curl behind my ear, "I know."

Later, after we had hunted, Jasper called Carlisle and spoke with him about his suspicions. I called Rosalie; she picked up on the first ring.

"Hold on a second, Kate. Let me go outside so we can talk."

She must be around people who knew me, I whispered dramatically, "Sneaky, sneaky!"

I heard a door shut and her footsteps on wood, then on grass.

"Hey, Bells, sorry about that. There are a few people over at the house. Alice offered to help Charlie go through your things and choose what to keep and what to give away. He and Sue are over here with that dog, she's giving him some of the photo albums. Your mom was here earlier."

"In other words, besides being just her usual helpful self, she also wanted to bring some things back to me."

"Exactly. She said Jasper told her you couldn't take a few things because it wouldn't have jived with your ridiculous cover story. Honestly, how anyone seriously believed you were in some humid jungle..."

Rosalie and I both laughed.

"How are Charlie and Renee?"

"They're sad, but they seem to be coping well. Your plan worked out, they've both mentioned that you told them you had no regrets. They seem to take solace in that knowledge, that, as far as they know, you died happy. Your funeral was a reflection of that – there was just as much laughter as tears. Emmett managed to convince Charlie that as your favorite honorary older brother, that he should say a few words. Emmett told everyone that story about last 4th of July, where you challenged him to an 'Epic Mario Kart Battle,' won and then waited a month to tell him you tutored a kid who was an aspiring game programmer and he figured out how to fix the game for you. Remember how he sulked! I wish you could have heard what he said about you after that. Oh, Bella, if I could have cried, I would have. He said the last time he saw you that you had fully blossomed into the amazing woman he always knew you were going to be and that he had never been prouder that you were his little sister. He said that you were the kindest and most compassionate person he had ever known; that there wasn't a human being on earth that could hold a candle to you. That you loved your family fiercely and that you went after your dreams whole heartedly and inspired others to do the same… he talked about how you were always there to listen whenever we needed it and to tell us when we were being idiots. He said that he knew that at the moment your heart stopped beating, you were more content and happier than you had ever been. Of course, at this point, there wasn't a single person who wasn't struggling to contain their sobs, dry or otherwise. Emmett ended his eulogy with a request – he said the best way any of us could honor your life was to love – selflessly and without conditions – the same way you had always loved the people in your life."

I was speechless; Emmett rarely expressed his emotions so plainly, but when he did, wow. I still couldn't seem to get my mouth to work. Jasper came over to where I was sitting and wrapped his arm around me, gently tugging the phone from my grasp.

"Rose? I was talking to Carlisle so I wasn't paying attention, but I felt Bella's emotions… everything okay?"

He rubbed soothing circles on my back while he listened to Rosalie quickly relay what she had told me. She asked if I was all right.

"Yes, she's just overwhelmed right now – love, gratitude, wonder – a lot of emotions. Emmett can really knock you on your ass when he comes outta left field with these things."

I heard Rosalie's laughter through the phone speaker.

"Yes, he sure can. Give our love to her and we'll see you both tomorrow night."

"Tell Emmett I said he did good and give him a huge hug from Bells. We love you."

He laid the phone on the floor next to the couch and gathered me up in his arms. He carried me to our room and spent all night demonstrating to me just how much I was loved. Emmett was right; I had never been so content and happy as I have been since my heart stopped beating.

A/N: Hey loves! Oh my goodness, I thought I was never going to finish this chap and then Demetri and Jasper just got a wild hair up their asses and decided to go in a slightly different direction with the visit than I had planned on! Needless to say, thar be some dramas a brewin' on the horizon! I hope to get the next chapter out soon as I'm leaving the country for a little bit shortly and I likely will not have any interwebs access. Other than that, feel free to stalk me on twitter (tiredwrited). Thank you **SO **much to everyone who has taken time to review, they sure chase away the mean reds!


	16. Chapter 15: Suspicions

We had spent the day in leisure, knowing that once the family was home, our time alone would be at a minimum. Currently, we were outside in the garden; Jasper was playing his guitar and I sat next to him. Occasionally I would sing along to whatever tune he played, but mostly just watching the night sky for the meteors I had never been able to see as a human. I loved them.

"I think I'd like to go to grad school. Study the stars."

Jasper paused for a moment in his playing and looked over at me.

"You should. It's been awhile since I've been, but it's the one scholastic experience I've never minded repeating."

He started playing again and I smiled. I loved how he encouraged me.

"What would you study, Jas?"

"I'm not sure, I've never pursued any advanced degrees in science, but I wouldn't mind chemistry or geology. Then again, perhaps I'll work while you study, post graduate work in history or a museum or something."

We lapsed into silence again; I was contemplating what the future would hold once this situation with the Volturi was resolved.

It wasn't long before we heard the sound of a car heading up the drive. I turned to look at Jasper and the corners of his mouth turned up slightly. I returned his smile. I desperately wanted a hug from Emmett but I was already missing the sweet respite of time alone with my mate. Jas stood, his guitar in one hand and the other offered to me. I gladly laced my fingers through his as I stood and we headed toward the front of the house, cutting through the house so Jasper could drop his guitar in our room before we walked out onto the front porch just as the Escalade was coming into view. Emmett was driving and my vision fogged with tears of venom that could never fall. Jasper pulled me close for a moment before we both went down the steps to meet our family.

"Bells!"

Emmett was out of the driver's door in less than a second after putting the vehicle into park. I dropped Jas' hand and ran to meet my big brother. He caught me in a giant hug that lifted me off my feet and I returned it with all my strength. He was just setting me back down when Rose embraced me with a hug of her own.

"I love you both, so much," I turned to face Emmett, "Especially you. Thank you."

My words didn't feel adequate, but they were all I had, well that and an empath for a mate. Jasper took what I was feeling and reflected it to Emmett and Rose. I leaned into him, expressing my own gratitude for him.

Of course, Emmett being Emmett, started whistling Love Potion #9 and the whole family started laughing as the joined the four of us in front of the steps. Carlisle came to stand next to Jasper and I and clapping Jas on the shoulder he cleared his throat to catch our attention.

"It's nice to have the family back together, but we have much to discuss. Shall we?"

I frowned; I wasn't looking forward to this meeting at all. I turned to Jasper but he was looking at Alice with his head tilted to the side. He noticed my gaze and turned to me, holding me back while the rest of the family filed into the house. He leaned down to whisper quietly in my ear so only I could hear.

"Alice is very upset about something, a vision would be my guess."

My frown deepened and he squeezed my hand, "I promise darlin', no matter what, I'll take care of you."

I couldn't help but smile at that and we headed into the house. Once again, two open seats had been left between Carlisle and Emmett. I sat next to my big brother. Once we settled into our seats Carlisle began.

"I've already shared with everyone what you told me about Demetri, Jasper, but I think it would be a good idea for everyone to hear directly from you."

Jasper nodded and a moment lapsed before he began, and when he did it was the confident fighter who spoke and he commanded respect without effort, even from those he held most dear.

"Their errand was innocent enough, they were here merely to see that Bella was indeed no longer human. However, Demetri became increasingly agitated throughout our short exchange. As you all know, he is an incredibly skilled tracker. He takes extreme pride in this. Bella has always been invisible to him, but I suspect, due to his behavior, that I am now as well. I've known Demetri for some time and he will not let this rest. He will pursue an explanation for his inability to track me and he is quite close to Caius. I would not be surprised if he tried to convince him that Bella needed to be recruited – by whatever means necessary – simply to satisfy his need to know."

He paused for a moment, taking in the reactions of everyone in the room before he continued. His next words left me no doubt as to his skill as a strategist. He was able to take abstract clues and piece them into coherency, specifically, a question.

"Alice, what decision have the Volturi made?"

_There you go dear readers - a heartfelt apology for both the delay and the short length of this chapter (think of it more as a taste for the longer one to come), I hope that you guys haven't given up on me. Unfortunately, I can't promise when the next chapter will be out. I'm in the middle of a hectic span of my life – my research and current world events are coalescing in such a way that I have very little spare time and with the passage of time it's sometimes hard to get back "in" to the story. However, I do promise it will not be abandoned. Thank you again for all your reviews and PMs and tweets. Feel free to stalk me there, same as my pen name._


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